callistra: Fuschia from Sinfest crying her heart out next to Hell's flames (Default)
NAFF Party
It's coming! It's coming! I am started to get really excited! I have made a list of things to do, and already checked off three of them! Woohoo! Really impressed with that since it's the first day of my period and I am vague/distant/moon-driven to sit quietly and be creative rather than actually clean things. Haven't dared the planning side of things, save that for tomorrow when I will be more alert!

B1 and the Febrile Convulsions
Round fifty seven million? Eh, whatever. So he had a couple last night, and the 2nd one was quite extended. Dr checked him out and found nothing wrong, and write up a referal to a specialist to get him checked out again. Yay?

Little Bit of Racism On The Side
Bit surprised to walk into one of those "they move here, they should learn to speak the language!" kind of discussions. I was so surprised I just sort of stared for a bit. I thik it's unfair to make any sort of comment like that, since we can never know the pressures and reasons for anything, and I know what *I* would do. I can't speak for any one else, and I think it's unfair to make those sorts of general comments when you don't know shit about the topic.

Very Full On Week
Followed by a quiet weekend. WASFF meeting didn't make me want to strangle any one, yay! Got lots of sleep and loves from the kids. I think I'm a bit more refreshed and recharged. Time to take over the world again!

No BB today. I just haven't watched it yet. Yay Ray's gone, can't wait to see the snippests they give him of his time in the house. I bet they saved the bitchiest comments for him. I already feel sorry for Estelle, when she comes out she's going to be so upset about how mean every one was to her, and how often.

Friday was some dedicated alone time, and it's been a very long time since I put some work into myself. Time to make it a little bit more of a habit, I think. I did a bit of meditation and cleansing and released some old emotions and thoughts, and moved into a more accepting phase of some things in my life. I'm pretty happy with it, thought it's never quite like how you imagine things to be. I also brought in a wand of jasmine, which perfumed the shower and bedroom and even the entire house. It was just beautiful.

Porn and Sex and Stuff Randomly Rambling
I have made a decision to stop politicizing my lizard brain tastes when it comes to erotica, and to try and explore what I like and find out *what* it is exactly that gets the lizard brain happy. I've always wondered what it would be like to have a magic hot button, where you just know what you like to see in porn, and can just go and get it. I am starting to think that not only do I need to find the right topic, but I also need t have the right viewing circumstances - ie watchig porn with people is just an invitation to laugh and crit, not to actually get turned on. 

Since I have made this decision, I have spent one afternoon looking around, and I am highly amused by what I found. I mean, really, smoking porn? That made me laugh, though it shouldn't I guess. The more taboo we make an act, the more interest there might be in it as a sexual rebellion. Sex while SMOKING?? OMG! And it was interesting for me, to find that often my responses were actually really fast. I haven't noticed before how long it takes for me to get turned on by porn, but I always thought it took me forever, but as like anything else it varies. 

But having given myself permission to look at porn, that also seems to have changed the way I respond to porn. I seem so much more responsive, and also willing to talk about it and maybe viewing it as a project to find out what I like has given me subconscious permission to make mistakes and occasionally see porn I don't like, or find disturbing, and then to accept that and move on. It's a big mess of thoughts and confusion, but I am also really pleased with my explorations so far. It also seems the porn I like is much more readily available than it used to be, which is also rather lovely.

I went to a sex shop the other day, apparently for the first time in years. Since I was looking for something small and simple, it was a bit hard to find under all the sex-toys-as-art,sex-toys-for-bondage, bondage-equipment-that-wasn't-sex-toys, and other unexpected i-vibes, e-vibes, and wii-vibes. And the things that are available now that we could not source for love or money ten years ago! DAMMIT! Now you can just buy the fuckers (gigglesnorthahahahahahaha) off the bloody rack, and you get a choice of colours! WHUT. THE. FUCK. BDSM, meet mainstream, mainstream eats bsdm... for breakfast.  

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callistra: Fuschia from Sinfest crying her heart out next to Hell's flames (Default)

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