callistra: Fuschia from Sinfest crying her heart out next to Hell's flames (Default)
Let There Be Chocolate!
Mercy mission to visit Tiki today, taking along a block of chocolate for her :) Had a great chance to chat and catch up and drink coffee, and play with her kids who are still cute and interesting. Read some books, patted some dinosaurs and loved some cats. Yay visit to Tiki!

No longer the number one topic! Yay! Will even hit the gym on Friday! Yay me! I'm feeling much much better and much much happier <3 Had a lovely Monday night last night and now my nails are pretty blues! Here's a picture!

Big Brother
I am enjoying the two household thing. *rubs hands together with glee* it's quite evil and I love it. It's really upset some of the housemates, and I love the uncertainty it's given them. Hope they have lots of fun being tortured!

J's a bit snuggly today so I have been sitting on the couch and crocheting while he plays on the wii. Crash Mind Over Mutant was a bit annoying. I'm having such a lovely quiet day today, and tomorrow night I get to go out! So excited! I don't want to crochet anything exciting, so I am just making a gigantic granny square. I may have lost my favourite hook, I last had it at the Geek Haven but I haven't don't any crochet that I can remember since then. I'm sure it will turn up.

callistra: Fuschia from Sinfest crying her heart out next to Hell's flames (Default)
I expect I would feel a lot better if I hadn't gotten so terribly, terribly drunk yesterday with my mother. :( Oh my, I have never had a three hour black out before. I have no idea what I did from about 4:00ish onwards. My memories for that time total a) hearing leachim's voice on my phone b) asking for a bowl and then being sick, and c) going to bed. I think I may be slightly alcohol poisoned, which is quite different from seedy. I don't like the fact I don't remember all that time. I just ceased to exist. Who was running my body? What did I do? What did I say? Was I still me? Is every one still talking to me? How did this happen? :( And what's also scary is that Mum was blacked out for about the same amount of time too. She also rang someone and had a conversation with them that she can't remember. She also can't remember putting the kids through the bath and getting them dressed and etc. All over, yesterday was quite terrifying and I shall do my best to pretend it never happened. :(

I need 'em. Will have to wait.

Big Brother
I watched Ryan's interviews the other day, and he had way more personality in those interviews than he did in the house. Poor guy, coming on stage and being shown footage of the other housemates calling him boring and stupid. :( I thought that was a bit unfair. I didn't mind Ryan too much, sure he's not someone I'd have had a lot in common with, but he didn't seem very offensive, just young, and he seemed quite sweet. Yay Ben's still in there though! Love ya Ben!

I'm interested to see what they do with the 'second house' thing. :) They certainly got some reactions!

J is sick now :( off to the drs with him today. He was up with ear aches all last night, and ear infections are definitely the sort of thign that will account for the 'sick one day, fine the next, sick the day after, fine for a bit' health he has been having. V seems to be fine and is at school right now. Chesh has started his old new job again and is happy. :)

callistra: Fuschia from Sinfest crying her heart out next to Hell's flames (Default)
Health and (In)dependance
Yay! Getting there! Had a bit of a moment last night where I ended up in tears because the things I *want* to do I'm still just not physically capable of doing. This is pretty much par for the course by now, and then I cried a bit more as I remembered I have been really sick for fourteen days. That's a hefty chunk of time, and it stands to reason that it's going to take some time to get back to full strength. Anyway, it was a minor weep and Chesh patted me and offered useful suggestions (damn logic! Always full of answers...) I'm missing my independance right now. I forgot that having one car works fine for us... for a while... and that after about six months or so I get cranky with it and start missing my independance. I can either rework the independance issue in my head so it goes away, or we can just buy a second car again. Shelving this issue for later, I think. Even if we looked at getting a second car, we've been wanting to get a bigger and newer car, so we need to wait until the windows have been paid off (November) and then consider buying/getting a loan/look at finances later.

Children Littered About The Place
Both kids home today. J woke up twice and got Chesh both times, and by the third time Chesh was tired and exhausted and cranky and stressy, so I got the vomit. :) I didn't mind so much but poor J was so upset and in the end I put a mattress on his floor and slept in his room with him. Poor honey. Of course, now I am achey and sore from sleeping on the floor... I knew that was going happen. Vin's temperature spiked last night, and was still high this morning. He was much more listless than the other day, so he's spent all day on the couch except for when we all had naps this afternoon. I had a nap too! I must have just passed out, I barely remember evem getting into bed, and then I woke up and my feet were toasty warm. The one big problem I have with naps is that my feet never seem to get warm. That they did today makes me worry I am getting sick again. :(

Chesh has finished his job...
and moved onto the new one. Yay! Here's hoping things will now be stable for the next 3 - 5 years! I have any projects to start work on now LOL and I still need to make some firm decisions about travelling over the next few years. Of course, I still can't really do that until things *are* stable, rather than just me wishing intently for it. I had a chat last night with one of the local mums, and she was saying her partner pulls in less than 20K per annum. Wow, that would be hard :( He also wouldn't let her work at night because he doesn't want to baby sit and other odd little quirks. People are strange.

Most of my friends seem to think Clink Easton's just shot all his credibility out the window. Rachel Maddow's response was particularly amusing. She was properly speechless. I tried to watch the footage but I think my brain refused. I don't really know; I tried about two or three times, but for some reason I still haven't seen it... But from all the articles I read, it shoulds like Eastwood was trying for some theatre and it's backfired on him, and from what I read it sounds to me like Eastwood was ... I dunno, indelicate? Silly? About it? I mean, if you're going to pretend that someone's on stage with you, shouldn't you pretend the person is in character? Apparently Eastwood was acting like the invisible Obama was swearing at him and stuff, and seriously dude, Obama is a great speaker and I have never heard about him swearing incoherently. So by creating this invisible Obama as a swearing incoherent sockpuppet, I think he's missed the mark in what he was trying to do. Anyway, since I didn't even watch the footage, I should stop meandering about and move on to...

Obama Broke Reddit
Good on him LOL I found out afterwards, but I'm watching the discussion spread out. I think well done on him, and it serves Reddit right that it melted their servers LOL but then who could possibly be prepared for the POTUS popping into Reddit for 30 minutes to answer a few questions? Well done on the marketing and PR side, and well done Obama. As always the whinging is rising to drown the discussion, but what's politics without a good whine? Pointless, of course :)

My House is Full of Junk Food
So my big Coles order arrived today, and it was indeed full of junk food LOL but the highlight was definitely talkign to the delivery person. She was really lovely, she walked in and saw Sarah's artwork on the wall and loved them! Then we talked books, art, home schooling, education, ecosystems, more books, school, food poisoning, zombies... and all this in ten mintes while we unloaded all my stuff. She was so lovely! Hope I get her next time too.
callistra: Fuschia from Sinfest crying her heart out next to Hell's flames (Default)
Yay I am starting to get better! My eyes are starting to clear up, and I'm starting to have a list of things I'd like to do (shopping, lunch, coffee..) that far outstrips my ability to get out of bed. I did get up and get the kids to school and washed my hair and even put on lipstick! I'm still coughing and spluttering and on antibiotics and all that, but yay! The end is nigh! Things almost taste normal again! Yay!

Big Brother
Stacey is awesome and totally has to win. Unless they find some way to kneecap her, she is way too popular, too much fun, too creative and just too gosh darned happy to not win. Yay Stacey! She totally deserves everything BB can give her LOL I love the way she is taking this whole BB experience and just running with it. Awesome. :) Oops, I just gave Ray the finger. Women - they'e emotional people. Ray, you're a *insert expletive here* . :p OMG Stacey is going to have a f*cking ball with this Ryan Gosling cutout.

Oops... I did my monthly shop yesterday. Maybe I should have waited a little longer, but I needed to get it done so they would deliver the champagne before Saturday... so yesterday it was. I think I went a bit overboard. I usually spend about $250 - $300 on the basic monthly shop, whereas yesterday's... came in at $450... I bought wine and champagne and THINGS IN JARS and THINGS IN TINS and OMG THE CONDIMENTS THE CONDIMENTS!!! I bought hollandaise sauce, bernaise sauce, horse radish sauce, two types of mayo, three? four salad dressings... OMG THE CONDIMENTS! And I still can't even remember exactly what I bought. There was not enough chocolate though. I am pretty sure about that! I even bought preprepared food! Pizza and a frozen lasagne!

Now all I need is the meat and vegies... :D

callistra: Fuschia from Sinfest crying her heart out next to Hell's flames (Default)
See yesterday. :( My head still feels like it is under a serious amount of pressure, so my sinuses are probably all stuffed up. I am so tired! I had to ask Mel to come and babysit V when I took J into school this morning, and then V woke up between Mel getting here! Ah well, these things happen, did get to have coffee with M which was lovely, haven't seen her in 2 weeks and I have been flat on my back for most of that time. She has been busy with work and family. :) My head keeps spinning.

I made them! So much for my attempts to get back onto the no-wheat and no-sugar trail. Will do some detoxing later I guess. Made Mel promise to wait for me, so we will detox and get back into the gym again together.

Big Brother
Boy, the boys are having much harder time getting over the nominations! Ryan is doing really well but Brattley and Ben are all taking it to heart LOL

I have a new shampoo and conditioner. Hope I like it! It's the same brand as the shiny stuff I use, so hoping it's all going to go well.

Can I Nap yet?




callistra: Fuschia from Sinfest crying her heart out next to Hell's flames (Default)
Still convalescening. Had been feeling usually calm, which I have been enjoying. Usually by now I get to a certain point of health where my ability to do stuff is not as good as my desire to do stuff, and I get very frustrated and hell cranky. The calmness was new. I rather liked it. I can see feel it, it's still close to me... but now I have this massive pressure in my head, my eyes are still fucked, and the crankiness is not too deep underneath at all...

I Got Permission to Leave the House! Yay!
Highly amused, I was being facetious on FB, but every one seemed to think I was being positive and lovely LOL. I think people obviously think I am a lovely and positive person. Even when I am trying to be a bitch, people are just assuming I'm being funny. I kind of like that, but it does take away any teeth I might have... LOL

I think I Need Some Serious Mope Time
Time to tune into my iPhone, play some Covenant and stare wistfully out the window pretending to be a goff. I almost bought a black lipstick today! Eh, Maybe I can do all of the above and stare wistfully out the window while wearing plum coloured lipstick. Not terribly gothy, but still, pretty might work for me. These work shirts and jeans/trakky dacks may be comfy while working and sick, but they're not very good soul food.

I wish they would start working properly soon. If I could *think* the fluid out of them, then I would. But it doesn't quite work that way. Just hope that it never does any permanent damage! I kind of like being able to see normally as it is!

People Make Sarah Ranty!
This morning someone posted some shit thing which slammed off at my demographic, and you know what? I'm kind of tired of it. I know I'm white lowerclass stay at home parent, and you know what? every one has their own fucking cross to bear. I'm so fucking tired of bending over backwards to not offend or annoy other demographics, and you know, you can fucking return the courtesy. And if any one dares say "Oh but what about blah blah blah" I don't care. This is a rant, and I will delete your comment. You can substitute any demographic you like, we all feel this way at some point. I still work fucking HARD for every thing in my life.

Big Brother
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT BEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bad enough we lost Charne, all the people I like go first! Probably because they question every one else and "make them uncomfortable" LOL and oh boy is Brattley up for a steep learning curve when he gets out and sees what every one thinks of him. Sink or swim dude, you're sinking here!

callistra: Fuschia from Sinfest crying her heart out next to Hell's flames (Default)
Yeah, still getting there. I believe this is called the convalescing phase, where I'm not sick but I'm weak as a kitten. I'm a bit shakey right now, have sucked down some coffee and sugar in the form of cake to try and balance myself out, but I finally left the house for more than a child pickup/delivery run. Now I need to sit quietly for the rest of the day! My eye blisters have come back, so I'm having a bit of trouble seeing. :(

Darn, I had a few interestign topics lined up and now I can't remember anything other than how warm and fluffy and comforting my bed is... mmmmmm :)

OH MY GOD FEED BY MIRA GRANT IS BRILLIANT. I love love love this book. I can not stress enough how much I love love love this book. OMG the relationships! The zombies! The action! The characters! *GAH!* Anyway, I read all three books this weekend. I need a cigarette and a massage, stat. I'm still a bit jumpy when I see things moving in my peripheral vision...
I loved the intensity of the relationships between the people in the stories, I guessin a way it reminds me of me and mine.

Rough notes for later thought - how relationships for me and mine are different from the traditional forms of relationships, and how much that is reflected or allowed by the constant access that modern technology provides to our people. Just a note that we've never had such easy access to so many people before, and I use these mediums to create a depth and quality to my relationships that just couldn't be maintained without them.

Big Brother
I am just watching the ecivtion nights show now, and watching the footage where they ate holding Ryan's birthday party. I think it's really lovely and sweet that BB crew took the time to tailor the party to match him, and I know people probably think he's a bit of a self absorbed git (and I'm not denying that, but...) I really think it's gorgeous that BB has set up this party to showcase Ryan's greatest asset, his beauty. I don't know, it's not often we get to celebrate one particular aspect that people have spent time honing and developing, and I sort of expected he would get more flack than BB has given him.

BB Kitchen Special (I wish!)
I wish BB would release the details on the running of the house. I want to know what they get given (15 kilos of lentils and ten kilos of brown rice... plus....? $5 luxury per head....) and what they buy and how much BB is charging and how much they eat and what they cook and who does the cooking and OMG I would totally want to see an entire thread on just kitchen related stuff LOL

So exhausted I could just cry
I think the titled covered this bit! I don't think the sugar and coffee helped as much as I hoped.

callistra: Fuschia from Sinfest crying her heart out next to Hell's flames (Default)
Still sick!
But I am now on a merry roundabout of drugs, with antibiotics and steroids thrown in for good measure. Plus the brycanil as needed. Wheeee! I do feel better already, so pleased! Plus last night I addressed my lower back pains with a heat pack, some gentle back excersizes, and a massage, and OMG it worked! First time ever! With all the drugs kicking in I had three blissful painfree hours where I could breath and not hurt at the same time! Awesome! I don't *think* I slept though, I just sort of dozed and enjoyed. I knew exactly when something wore off; I started coughing and I started getting muscle spasms again. Brycanil seemed to fix it though, and this time I actually slept deeply and well until morning.

I had important things to say. I can't remember what they were.
Yeah. No. Not terribly important LOL but I still can't remember what they were. I have been enjoying FEED by Mira Grant, though I have to be at a certain level of awareness to do so. Enjoying the mix of tech, blogging, writing, and zombies. Yay zombies! My plan for the day is some cleaning in ten minute bursts interspersed with much lying around and sleeping or reading. At some point I will shower and wash my hair. I have such high ambitions. Realistic, perhaps, might be a better word. :)

Unicorns in Castleville
I know I have been sick for the entire time that we've had this quest but I'm confused. People are partnering with me to inspire unicorns, awesome. But how do I go and inspire their unicorns for them? I could read a FAQ but where would the whining be in that?

callistra: Fuschia from Sinfest crying her heart out next to Hell's flames (Default)
Still sick. But finally getting better. 

I gotta close some links!
David Hasselhoff is attempting to tour Australia again. Makes me wonder what happened last time! 
Yet another article about sexual assault and sexualisation of female characters in games. Quote from the article: Let this be clear. This is rape. It is not okay because “it’s a hot asian chick”. The game took my character, which is the only thing I control about this game and forced some very big changes on to it. I didn’t want to have to think about my character as a sexual being. It was going to cast magic spells, fight tentacle monsters and put the restless dead back in their graves. Sex was never on the cards; why should it be?
Red Card/Yellow Cards to help warn people when they are being very creepy or mildly creepy at conventions. Ferret talks about rules and expectations in relationships, and then we talk about racist books for a while. A friend did some liveblogging from the RWA convention this year last weekend. 31 ways to find new readers outside my network! Refined Coconut oil vs Unrefined coconut oil. University of Reddit. Mermaids are hot.

Not too many links for a change, yay!

callistra: Fuschia from Sinfest crying her heart out next to Hell's flames (Default)
Still Sick
Pouts. Today has been the worst yet - ibuprofen plus panadol before I could really cope with the muscle aches and pains. And a lot of sleeping. Lots of sleeping. And staring blankly at things. Lots of people are sick at the moment. :( I just took some ibuprofen again, which is probably a good thing as some of my aches are starting to come back. Why does the coffee hurt my throat? WHYYYYYYY?

I have so many exciting things I want to do! But I am too tired. And my muscles are too sore. And I feel too unwell. I shall just write down the ideas and play with them later. Today is a day for shelving all that sort of thing and just trying to maintain decent humours and get better. My balance is out though, with being sick and being away from my loves, so things are bubbling away but there's issues actually *doing* anything. And while ideas are great, I want to get out and do stuff!

Big Brother
Blah blah blah, I was sick so it was hard to watch... or something. I don't know, it's just not filling me with excitement yet. I will keep watching though, it's nice to have something warm and comfy to fall back into. Just like Reddit, really...

And Castleville
Noooooo, Torikh WHY did you join up?? I would have told you to avoid this one! :)

Missing my loves
It's been too long since I saw everyone. And it's the longest time apart from someone in particular in almost 5 months. Good thing I am too sick to mope much? :) Haven't had the full Monday night crew over in ages and ages. Get well soon Torikh! And us... and every one else. M and K are back on Perth soil, so hoping to catch up with them again soon. :)

Linked In
I accidentally let Linked-In go through my entire Gmail contacts list. So, um, I'm getting four or five (or more) acceptances every day as people log in and go "Sure!" and click on accept. Interesting. I am tempted to post in there saying I am looking for work, but then someone might actually give me some and right now I will just chuck it onto the 'too hard' pile and sort if out later.

Did I mention I finished the Jeff Goins blogging course? That was actually very cool, and I think I might go through it all again. I learnt a fair bit, and it's kind of honed some of my ideas about blogging and things that I want to do. Plus I am going through the Goddess Leonie stuff again, and that's also really interesting and giving me even more wild ideas to do stuff. Now if only I wasn't sick! I got up last night cos I couldn't sleep so I wrote down some ideas, whinged on FB and then went back to bed. This should amuse a lot of you - I am actually trying this new method of doing things! Called "DOING WHAT I AM TOLD TO DO!"

Loving Things
One of our cups has been broken, and it's made both Husbandly One and I very sad. It was from B1 from when he was in kindy, has one of his drawing printed on it, and now it's broken. :( At least we still have B1 to make us smile instead.

callistra: Fuschia from Sinfest crying her heart out next to Hell's flames (Default)
I'm sick! 
Wail, moan, whine, etc. It's not too bad on the scale of things, but the occasional dizziness is annoying, and the vagueness is annoying for others LOL so I have canceled my dinner plans. :( That made me sad. But anyway, such is life. Quiet weekend this week, first in forever, and J is still sick so probably a good thing. Oh :( J's canceled his dinner plans too. House of Plague or what around here?

Hahaha they're not allowed hot showers until they have made their own bread and are cooking it in the pizza oven. Cooking bread with coals... even I'd be a bit daunted by that! I can make bread no problems, but I can't light a fire for love or money. I had a quick whine at Mel about how I am not enjoying Channel Nine's online presence when it comes to BB. I used to log in and just watch the live streaming, and the episodes were all centrally located, and Channel Nine are losing my love. I don't like the Catchup website, and I don't like the BB website much either. I don't want to see little snippets, I want to log in and have these people in my house dammit! I miss group living, and having the live feed open all the time kind of kept me company. :/

Coffee and Chat!
Went to the gym today despite not being well, but was incredibly gentle and only did 30 mins at about 3ks an hour. Mostly I went to keep Mel company, as this is the first time in months and months she has actually fronted up. And then we went to her place for coffee afterwards, and that was lovely. She's been complaining and complimenting companies of products she uses, and and she has been receiving heaps of free stuff, which has been making her happy. She has also done lots of painting and decorating her house. She has a real gift for home decoration which I admire. :)

Stumbling Forward
I did a fair amount of stuff on SS yesterday but then flaked in the afternoon due to this virus. Small steps, I guess. It's been a long time since I have been sick, and I don't like it much LOL but we're coping. I really want to do some research on the shopping cart software options but I am so vague it's kind of pointless. Everything just drains out my ears! Ah well, next week!

Women's Weekend
There seems to be a lot of interest in going away but every one seems to just want a women's space where we hang out and relax. Still possible, still will be more expensive than Femmeconne ever was, but yeah, could be fun. Even just getting together and hanging out with people will be nice, but there's a rather large dichotomy between what i am called to do. If I am organizing a big relaxed weekend, then I'd do it with every one, so men, women, children, family units/whatever, or otherwise the women's weekend where we do challenging and difficult stuff. I don't have the urge to just anything in between. If I am going away to relax I want the kids and my partners with me. :)

Spellchecker Wisdom
Got nuttin'
callistra: Fuschia from Sinfest crying her heart out next to Hell's flames (Default)
Good morning all!

I got paid! Yay! The first royalties for Jack Gorman got Cut By A Girl have come through! How awesome is that?? *preens*

Big Brother
Watching it every morning is kind of interesting. I am thinking of watching it while I do my daily blogging, and see if that effects my rambles much! Yeah... I got a bit distracted LOL

Women's Weekend
So I have been thinking again about running another womens' weekend. The thing is, I want to do different things than Femmeconne. I loved Femmeconne but it was big and unwieldy, which is fine when you have enough people to help manage it, but there's no way I could handle a lot of people with a lot of emotions all at once. So I am thinking that a max of ten women. The other issue is that since I want to keep numbers low, it's going to be expensive compared to the Femmeconnes. $250 or so for 2 night accommodation plus food and extras, or possibly even more depending on when I crunch some numbers.

Ideas for a Programme
Things I have been thinking... well, Friday night would be meet and greet and dinner, possibly even some drinks. Saturday morning we would do some talking about our goals and plans and workshop some of the things that affect us and our goals, or even just talk. Then lunch and some downtime, and at dinner time I want to do some self exploration stuff which would also be very intense. I have ideas on how to form this, but I would be asking for advice first from others who are more experienced at this sort of thing. I might even be able to find a venue within the Perth area if I am lucky. Sunday morning would be breakfast, and maybe some discussion of what we can do, stepping out of the sacred space and into the real world again, and how we can help to support each other in our endeavours.

Wishes and Fishes
I want to keep this sort of thing open to people who have a goal or a plan, and want some sort of push to get past something, to people who just want to experience and learn more about themselves without some aim to the weekend. I want to build and develop a space in which anything is possible that is safe and supported, and we can talk about anything from budgets to goal development to self exploration to self love. Of course, if any one had a specific thing they wanted me to talk about/lead or workshop, then I could work with that. I am always open to suggestions and ideas, and I also think that no matter what the medium, we can always look at better ways to include JOY in our lives, and make ourselves think about things anew.

Saucy Sarahs
I have put some serious hours into saucy sarahs, and expect to do so for the next week while I move domain hosts, move the blog, and start looking into setting up the shopping cart and payment system. I have all the tools here, I just tend not to follow them and go off a little bit enthusiastically. February I purchased, but I didn't realise that Wordpress itself doesn't allow much messing with HMTL and all the cool stuff I wanted to use were plug-ins, which required the blog to be hosted by a separate party. So, I have purchased some hosting, set up wordpress, the domain already seems to be moved over, and today I sit down and make it look pretty and see how it fits in with how I want it to be. I am really looking forward to playing with this, selling the NAFF story and stuff. It's exciting and fascinating all at once! The next trick is how do I make people buy my stuff... LOL

Asylum Seekers
A letter to the Prime Minister
I don't have a lot to say on this, except it hurts that there are people out there who this affects directly, who are already so desperate and driven they have risked life and loved ones to try and find a safe habour. And then we treat them like prisoners and pull families apart and hurt people. We'll never get out of the muck while we still do this to other human beings. I would have thought that people with this sort of drive and ambition would make wonderful citizens, more determined and caring about Australia as a home than people who just happened to be here. I just don't know what to say, and I feel hopeless that we can do anything. I have had this page open for a while now, and I just don't know what to write. I'll do it anyway though. That teaspoon metaphor of Ju's seems to awfully apt. :(

Spellchecker Wisdom
Accommodation has more Ms than I usually allow. :)

callistra: Fuschia from Sinfest crying her heart out next to Hell's flames (Default)
Gym it baby!
Did some 45 minutes of walking on 5.5% slope at 4kphs. Yes, it's a programme, and you know what? I don't care. :) I just zoned out and absorbed 7 TCs worth of random crappy advertisements, TV shows and cultural crap for 45 minutes. Does this mean I just watched the equivalent of 315 minutes of TV? Seriously, BB is better than all of the crap that was on this morning. Which leads me into...

Big Brother
Big Brother has started! Yay! Kind of found it hard to maintain enthusiasm for the first show. They did try, but eh. I dislike using gender as a card in these games. It's kind of like... they have no creativity to try something different. Why couldn't it be a non-gendered group trying to find out the secrets of the gendered group? What are we learning from this? Why, nothing, I expect LOL but hey, we don't watch this to learn things. Do we? Do we? I rather liked Michael. He looks like someone that would be fun to be cooped up with for twelve weeks. His hair looks a bit fake though! But yeah, I wonder if they are setting him up to win, since he had lots of personality and lots of camera time. Who knows?

BB Secrets
I liked the idea, not so enthused with the execution. Did consider doing a daily match of secret to possible person from the TV footage, but since I never watch it at night, I didn't really see the point. I'm kind of starting to wonder if I have time to slide another obsession into my life right now. I think my Obsessive Card might be a tad full.

On Writing
Have been thinking about the direction I want to take Saucy Sarahs. I've been waiting for some things to come together, and been very distracted with stuff going on at home, but it's time for me to get my A into G. I am thinking maybe it's time to do something like the random rambles for SS, but I would like to pick the name first. Currently considering Cooking Colloquies or Perky Percolations. I feel a bit guilty though, as Perky is a word I associate with Prky. I am sure if I asked nicely, he wouldn't mind though. Perky Percolations mixes a lot of my favourite things - coffee, happiness, laughter, and thinking. I think I have made my choice. Stay tuned for more details LOL

Launch and Learn! 
I am getting a bit frustrated that I am always practicing and not really putting things out there. I am enjoying my random rambles, and I am hoping to keep doing them for ever. But here's my favourite inspirational video of the moment. This chick is hot! And awesome! *loves*

Every point she makes is fabulous and she has the most amazing eyes. In the theory of launch and learn, I'll probably let my ebook loose and see if any one likes it. I played beforehand with giving it away in exchange for joining a mailing list, and then advertising it on FB. It was really interesting to see the stats and advertising and the different things that people click on and where they end up. People have told me before that they want to support me somehow, so I am working hard to put something out for them to do so!

I should try and make a new ebook to give away. I have considered using my reworked Writers Of The Future story as a fundraiser for NAFF, selling it for 99cents or something, though I have heard rumours that as a fundraiser it should be about $5. Would any of you pay $5 for a short story if 100% of proceeds go to NAFF? It would also mean I get to play with the form and format of my precarious mommyblogger empire I am building... LOL I have lots of ideas for the future!

Dammit why aren't I rich yet?? LOL Hurry up, Universe, BRING ME CASH! Yay!

Life and Love
We had an interesting chat on Monday night about love and what people say versus what they mean. And you know, love is one of those tricky things that's messy and complex and heartfelt and yet shaped by the societies we have around us. When we sit down and begin to critically examine the semiotics of love and relationships and what they mean, it's apparent that our culture is scrabbling around in the dark just as much as we are. So many rules! So much hardship! When we love, we have all these expectations and understandings, and yet in the end what does it mean? Being in love is supposed to be followed by the engagement, the wedding, the white picket fence, the children... except every single step of that progression is broken and problematic. It's a great idea. As a concept goes, within the current framework of our culture, it's a concept that has some value... not as much value as it used to, and there's a generational struggle going on in our private lives as people sit back and examine what they want, what they do, and what is expected. Far more people these days than I ever imagined define themselves as poly, and almost every single one does it a different way. Removing the expectations of the progressive chain of love-->children, what's left?

Maybe the answer is loving happiness. Maybe it's not. What do you think is left? So many of my Flist have had to make very hard decisions about who they are and how they define themselves against the culture we live in. We have meaningful, awesome lives which stand out because we're not typical. Do we take pleasure in our non-typical selves because the only other option is misery? Or because there's some inherent pleasure in using our selves and gifts any which way we please? I believe there's pleasure in using our gifts and being who we choose to be. When we are forced to do those two things, there's no pleasure in it any more. Allowing ourselves to flower and be beautiful is very different from being forced to bloom and perform.

We find ways of balancing what people want from us with what we want from ourselves, and we shape our lives as best we can. Could there ever be a human society in which every member was fulfilled and happy, using all of their talents and gifts and being whomever they choose to be? I'm not actually sure that we'd even be human by then - we make things hard for ourselves sometimes. Even when life is perfect, we find ways to be miserable. Maybe we're born to struggle. Maybe we're not supposed to be happy at all. *shrug*

We only get one life to live, and this life, dammit, I am taking for all it's worth. Love, respect, adoration. Boundaries, communication, emotions. Sometimes, I really am drunk on life.

Spellchecker Wisdom
gicing things away is not the same as giving. Not. :)

callistra: Fuschia from Sinfest crying her heart out next to Hell's flames (Default)
Big Brother
Big Brother started last night! Yay! Expect the occasional discussion where whimsy takes my fancy and I'll probably discuss some of the stuff that pops up from the media portrayals of a bunch of people living in a house under incredibly pressure. I'm looking forward to it! I love BB, I hate Kyle Sandilands, and Sandilands would be the only reason I would not watch it. Although making it hard to find eps on the internet would directly affect my enthusiasm! I was kind of expecting it to be like the Biggest Loser webpage which was *fabulous* for watching on my own time and pace. Anyway, let's torture some twenty somethings! Yay! I hope they electrocute them again! Yay! Not sure whether to crochet or try and make my dolly. The dolly might be a hand sew job, which could take all season of BB.

Life is Good.
It is. Really, it is! :D Had a very special night last night due to a rather odd concatenation of events. Life is a funny thing! 

Adding Run Lola Run soundtrack to my iPhone. Now do I listen to that, the new Covenant album (some songs are already up for 40 odd listens) or maybe some Sisterhood? Don't know why Sisterhood is pleasing me so much right now, it just does. Waily whiny goff music always did it for me, and apparently still does. :)

I did some poking the internet and looked at writing for actual money, but it's all too hard. Apparently most publishers are trimming their permanent staff and killing their freelancing budgets, and I'm hesitant to start learning a new method of writing right now. I read some stuff about writing articles, read a few more articles about the freelancing industry in Australia and then kind of threw my hands in the air and said if I am going to start trying to write better and have to do it for free, then I may as well start working harder on my own projects. Which is the plan. I am going to start devoting some greater time to blogging and also keep working on my fiction. Still trying to avoid that 'get a job' thing that crops up from time to time. :)

Thoughts on Taste
One of the inspirational quotes I remember occasionally is the idea that we have excellent taste as creatives, but that our ability to produce a work that pleases our own taste is something that we develop over a LOT of time and effort. In other words, when we start our finger paintings we know we want it to look like the Mona Lisa, but it takes decades of finger painting, mud pies, paint, experience and analysis before the divide between our intentions and our product are close. (I won't say exact, just close enough.)

I rather like this idea, except that I have terrible taste. Seriously. Big Brother? You should have heard the whining last night. Peanut butter cups? You should hear the whining about those! Pitch Black? Hell, I know it's a B grade movie. I don't tell any one these things are great. I tell every one that I love them to bits, and I really think they are great but I wouldn't recommend them to any one unless they are into a) self flagellation, b) crappy chocolate and peanut butter or c) muscle men movies where they are so manly and dominant *swoons* oops, distracted myself there...

So I have good taste because I strive to create, and to create things that please me... except my real world examples are, to put it simply, pretty trashy at times. And you know what? I have no problem with this. I can like problematic things too.
And when I feel like it, I'm just going to tell every one I have excellent taste. It's just not like every one else's! 

Spellchecker Wisdom
Yay! One space needed in peanut butter and that's it! My reward will be... BIG BROTHER LAUNCH EPISODE! YAYYYYYYYYY!

callistra: Fuschia from Sinfest crying her heart out next to Hell's flames (Default)
On Inspiration
Yay inspiration! I love being excited about creating and I'm getting ready to throw myself into Skintree today. I may also be avoiding lawyer stuff. I should do that. But... I can put it off instead! By writing! I read someone the other day talking about narrative and how they find themselves writing the same sorts of themes, and I think I do too. Lots of power and sex and unusual relationships. I want to get right into those again, messy and icky and strange and hold them up for my writerly mind to examine. This might mean I have the urge to go back to my trilogy of five, but right now i shall continue to muck around with Skintree. Maybe our heroine just needs some more complex relationships in her life. :)

is announced! Come along, give me cash for NAFF and have a great time! Looks like it's going to be huge!

Coping is a funny thing. We all do the best we can, but we seem to have these ideas in our heads that coping means something clean, neat, and orderly. I have this idea in my head that my emotions can be neatly packaged and put into the pigeon  holes, and when they're organized enough, neat enough, perfect enough, there won't be any surprises. But even when the emotions are in random piles on the floor and there's pigeon poo on my head, that's still coping. It just doesn't look the way I want my coping to look. It's a mess and I have to lift one pile of emotions to understand another and there's trails of crap between other piles and then there's unexpected piles and I just want to shove it all into a box and hide it. I try and keep things neat, but life isn't neat. It's messy and breathtaking and there's pigeon poo and dishes and love and laughter and it's everything, all at once.

I also read somewhere (possibly Starve Better again) or an internet article about how a lot of writers, being of a certain background/race/education/etc (ie, me to a large degree) often have trouble portraying characters that are *not* like them. Part of this is the lack of struggle in their lives, and the way that people form coping mechanisms when they have to because, at the time that mechanism was formed, it was what worked. Writers of my demographic (though I am lower class more than middle class, but I have Aspirations) haven't had the mental callouses that some real life experiences (and struggle) provide. When things change later the mechanisms seem odd, crazy, weird, out of this world... but once, they were what was needed, and our psyches are shaped by our experiences in this fashion. Somewhere, somehow, I learned that food makes me feel things when I was unhappy/uncomfortable. This tied in with my (suspected) propensity towards diabetes means I liked to eat and I got big. And being fat was a defensive mechanism, in a way. I wonder if I liked being so big because I felt no one could ignore me. No one could not *see* me. I was there in full technicolour and taking up space. So now I have segued from coping to taking up space... My mind moves in mysterious ways! I also think that putting on weight wasn't intentional. We were just busy. 7 - 9 social engagements a week plus work... we were just busy back then. Wouldn't give it up for the world though!

What does coping mean, anyway? Is 'coping' at the low end of survival? So it's like... coping means you're able to provide yourself with a certain level of sustenance, air, shelter and company? But to excel you provide a higher level of the same? Enough/not enough/glut where does 'cope' fit against 'survival' and 'excel'?

I want to write and I want to have written. These are very different things.
And I want to start writing articles so I learn how to write articles and then may be one day I could try and sell an article. Or I could just give up right now and have a coffee and go back to my novel and daydream of selling it. There's a lot of things to be said for working for someone else. They'd be a lot easier on me than I am, to start with! Also, having someone tell me what to do would be highly attractive... for maybe a week or two! LOL The longer I am at home the less employable I am getting because I am getting ornery and demanding and I like to think.

My friends love me and I love them. And there was cake. The End.

Spellchecker Says
demographc is not a real word. Dammit, it's right! No abotus today, and I didn't go to any restaurants. Yay! Though it does think middleclass should be two words... Hmmm.

callistra: Fuschia from Sinfest crying her heart out next to Hell's flames (Default)
A very quick one for today!

Lots of thoughts going on. This little black duck is paddling under the surface! But today I shall be calm and serene. And even... dun dun duuuuun... PATIENT. Yes, I can do patience. (You there in the back, stop giggling. I can hear you!) Had a nice night last night which was funny because it's the first evening I have been alone in a very long time. I enjoyed it but I was so very used to having someone to talk to while I do stuff, hence the five million posts on Facebook. But still, it was nice. Ddidn't get time to have my bath, too busy making cake and stuff, but there's always Sunday.

Don't you hate...
Conversations that start with "Sarah... don't freak out but..."

Party Pants! Party Pants!

Yay party is today! Yay! The weather is looking marvellous! And I shall put on some mulled wine soon and shower and dress. I have done heaps of prep, will do heaps more, so I can sit out in the sun and enjoy the beautiful day with friends. So excited! Also, 22nd of September, put it in your calendars! Fundraising party coming up, and I'm excited about that too. I'll write up a proper invite after this party is done with LOL

Last night had lots of awesome music which made me very happy. Yay music! And laughingimp threatened to fly to Australia to raid my music collection. What a honey! :D

Signing Off
Ok, signing out, not even got time for a spellcheck, so no spellcheck wisdom for today.

callistra: Fuschia from Sinfest crying her heart out next to Hell's flames (Default)
Random ramble - Quick edition!

Vin Turns Seven!
Gosh, already?? He's a sweet, mature, thoughtful child currently exploring the sneaky. He has a great sense of humour and is very loving and forgiving. He's also a little bit sick; he's been up since about 3am this morning, and I have been up since about 5? I think? I have no idea. Regardless, I am pretty calm and happy but also quite emo. I expect to cry at least once today, whether it's a FB meme, a TV ad, or something else, I don't know. Place your bets, people!

Cleany clean clean clean
So... the cleaning will begin. I re-arranged the loungeroom furniture, and it's mostly cleaned and tidy. The pile of crap in the dining area needs to go. The cabinet space is clear except for the dinosaur. The kids eMac needs cleaning. The kitchen needs to be kept up to date. Rooms need cleaning (That's probably going to take up the bulk of today) and then vacuuming the corridors, bedrooms, and small children. Then outside. Video game machine has been moved, so we need to get rid of the crap, sweep/shovel what we can, and tidy things away. I also need to procure wood, cook cakes, make meatballs, buy stuff, fill the car, and other general prep. We have allocated 2 days for Mum and I to do this, and I am hoping that on Saturday morning we'll be relaxed and happy and can do the stuff that makes us feel good about doing parties. Yay! 

I uploaded another photo of myself to FB yesterday, and people like it. :) I like that people like it. I've not really enjoyed having my photo taken before, and it's really lovely to feel like people are lavishing attention on me over it. Might be a small thanks to the owner of the rather lovely camera that takes rather lovely pictures... and his skill at doing so. But otherwise it's just because I am so darned pretty. :D

Vin got his own music machine today. MP3 player, CD player, it can play off USB stick and everything. Yay! OK, I think that's all I have time for at this point. Gotta start the day now! Off to get Jack into school!
callistra: Fuschia from Sinfest crying her heart out next to Hell's flames (Default)
I gotta close some tabs, baby. I gotta close some tabs!

Things I Learnt Today
The Balducci levitation trick. Mars colour pics! Abney Park is bouncy. Google has a webpage designed to help you sort and examine credit cards.  A Paleo blogger is suing his state for trying to regulate his advice. That hot boy I noticed in the NASA control room... well, every one else noticed him too! And he tweets. And he's sooooo keeeewt. Crochet helps your immune system! By providing a destressing activity it gives your body a chance to repair and feel better. Paid members of Livejournal have statistics! Yay statistics! I kind of like stats a little too much sometimes... Excellent article about how conservative representations of our selves don't seem to be as important as before... and of course, mentions the cute NASA guy.

Oh god, we're only half way through.
A volcano killed thousands of people in Britain, leading to a mass grave of over ten thousand bodies. Really interesting stuff, that one. Another story missed in the Olympics - Shin A Lam missing out on her gold medal because the timing official was a 15 year volunteer who got it wrong. ITIN links for me and my friends who now work for Musa... and instructions for Australians on how to fill it out. has some great stuff about POV which I have been enjoying. Details on the conflux short story competition. Steam, angels, Junk. An article on how Paleo is becoming more the province of doctors, and yet evolutionary medicine is really only a theory, and therefore can't be practiced.

Stuff about sex is a quiz where you and a partner fill it out, and if your interests overlap, then the quiz emails you both and says "hey, you're both interested in such and such!" I totally want to fill that out with someone, but I am stuck on the fence about with whom. This one is interesting. It's a rant about why Monogamy should be classified as a paraphilia. Got some very good points in it. This is an article talking about problems inherent in our rape culture.

Gosh, that took all day! In between I have had a visit and coffee with a friend, recieved the coles order, processed and packaged and put away, and... um.. made the kids sandwiches. With Vin's birthday on Saturday, I have the biggest pile of junk food in my house since ... Christmas.

callistra: Fuschia from Sinfest crying her heart out next to Hell's flames (Default)
Hmmm, what shall I talk about today? What would you like me to talk about? Lets do a poll! Oh no, DW has no poll! Now what do I do?? *encourages you all to leave comments*

On Readercon
Oh my, I am breathless with amazement. Not only have the concom put out the best public statement apology I have ever read but it was clear,concise, understood the damage to community the Board actions had done, and thanked people for holding them to a high standard. Suddenly, a disaster has turned into a PR dream. I want to go to Readercon! And I never had any interest before! I want to take a copy and keep it for when WASFF needs to refer to it. Hopefully we won't need it, but what an amazing display of courage, faith and wisdom from a committee. This gives me faith in the one thousand year plan. We can work together and we can do awesome, amazing, wondrous things. This sort of self awareness of the structures within community is also very rare. The number of times I have heard "this isn't our business, I'm just here for the science fiction" and I have just WANTED TO FUCKING SCREAM SO THE FUCK DO I BUT I CAN'T AND I WISH I HAD YOUR PRIVILEDGED FUCKING POSITION.... er, sorry, slipped up a little there.

Readercon Board/Concom Oddity
The Concom of Readercon outweighs the Board in all decisions. The Concom can overrule the Board whenever the hell they feel like it. So the Board have all the responsibility but can't actually do or authorise anything, since the Concom can just overrule them. I don't understand what that sort of powerstructure is supposed to support. Isn't the Board still responsible for any actions the Concom takes in a legal sense?

On Curiosity!
Oh my it's so hard for me to remember it's curiousity spelled wrong! LOL Yay curiosity! SO VERY EXCITING! So glad for modern internet! I got to watch! It was awesome and inspiring and made me cry a little. I loved watching the tension in the control room, and knowing there were millions of people around the world also staring at a screen/monitor/TV and waiting and pacing and watching and holding their breaths... it was an awesome moment and I felt like I was a part of it. The flood of posts during and after on my FB was heartwarming.

On Writing
My blog post yesterday was pretty much all I managed. Have not yet addressed any of my anxieties about ripping my stories to shreds and starting again. I am hoping I will just gloss over it and get to work. That technique works for minor stuff. :) Yesterday was so busy, yet I am still not entirely sure what I did. Oh, I gymmed I guess? Today I have both kids home, so I'm expecting a higher than average number of interruptions (*headdesk*) and I want to do some journaling (the sort that requires handwriting.)

Came to the realisation that my enthusiasm for jumping in when the action starts also means that I need to reconsider where the story actually starts. came to the understanding that Skintree is not so much missing 40 - 50K at the *end* of the novel... but is more missing 10 - 20K at the front and 20 - 30 K at the end... Oops? Some of the scenes that I was seeing as the mini-climaxes are actually the climaxes, so I need to do some re-arranging and writing outline stuff before I get to work at the keyboard and do some hammering.

Brighton WFC2013
It's in the back of my mind. Brighton/London is going to be hellishly expensive, and we're not in the same financial position as we were for WFC2011. I have about $3,000 (virtual money) saved but that will barely cover the flights, and I don't know if I am going to be able to save up anything else between now and then. I shall just have to keep this in the back of my mind and every now and then poke it a little and see what else I can think. When Jack goes to full time next year, I might get a part time job and see how that goes, and that might be enough for me to be able to save enough. We'll just have to see. I want to go back to WFC as I met heaps of people and I'd love to see them again... but at the same time, I am also wondering if there's another convention that might be as useful to me that will be cheaper/more accessible for me.

Edited to Add Extra...
WTF, Bic? I just bought pens designed for HER? Really? We're gendering pens now?

Spellchecker Thoughts
Should I just give in and start posting in American? Realise, realize, etc... much fewer typoes than usual, yay! 

callistra: Fuschia from Sinfest crying her heart out next to Hell's flames (Default)
Good morning every one! I'm a bit late this morning as I stopped for a coffee and chat with Mum, which turned into a relaxing frolic in the games with Small Fry. It was lovely!

Now, I had some ideas about blogging for today, and I even recorded them so I don't forget. However, we'll save that for the end of the post. You'll have to wade through the daily crap first LOL

On Writing
I have been re-reading Nick Mamatas's Starve Better, which is a rather fabulous little book of essays about writing and the publishing industry. Each of his essays are interesting and useful, and I've realised why I am not in love with my story that won the honorable mention from WOTF. So now I have a plan to fix it LOL and maybe then I will sell it! Yay sale! Well, yay potential sale!

However, now that the initial enthusiasm has gone (it's been an hour or two since I thought of how I want to fix the story) I'm getting cold feet. I mean, it's a good story. Why would I want to mess with it? What benefit could there be? Do I have to? I haven't even sold it, is this going to be a risk worth taking? But the end reason why I want to play with this story more is because it was never really in line with what I, as a writer, want to do.

One of Nick's essays discusses how short stories used to be a throw away story, where all the threads had to be finished because the magazine as a product was supposed to be a throw-away, something you'd be happy to hand on to a friend or leave in a public place for others when you were done. So if you had something excellent, people wouldn't pass it on as you'd want to keep the copy for later re-reading. With the advent of the internet, things are now reversed - once again writers need to PULL an audience, and so the works have to create a desire for more as well as satisfy the reader. I thought about it while I was on the treadmill and realised how I can change the ending to one that does all of what Nick suggests, but most importantly, it's more in line with what I as a writer want to do, which is to explore questions and concepts and play a little. The current ending is very much the way Nick describes the throw away story, with everything neat and finished and easy to dismiss from your brain. I'm going to try and start making my shorts a bit more... sticky... :D

On Food
OMG we had a 750g rib eye steak still on the bone for dinner last night. I seared it on both sides (salted and peppered) in butter, 3 and a half minutes each side and then popped it into the oven until it reached 56 degrees celcius and then let it rest for about 15 minutes. It was to die for. Soooo veryyyy goood. Did I ramble about the tequila bar the other day? I can't use the word 'restaurant' in relation to it any more, because it's totally not. It's a bar, full of tequila. I am getting unnatural urges again...

Party Party Party Pants!
I corsetted up for a Firefly party on the weekend! I uploaded a pic and it's up to 56 likes and 26 comments. Now I am wondering what I need to wear to get a hundred likes... Party was lovely, and every one did an amazing job at decorations and theme. It was great to see such effort, and it all looked so good! I am terrible at decorations - after all, every available wall in my house is already covered with book shelves, awards, books shelves, TV surrounded by book shelves, paintings, book shelves, and couch.

NAFF Fundraising
I am firming up my plans for the Wine, Cheese and Corsetry NAFF Fundraiser. or have I already mentioned that? :)

Deep thoughts for today?
I was thinking about activism again, and what do I do that counts as activism? How am I travelling on my 20 year plan, and will the things I do still affect my 1,000 year plan?

Uh oh. One question at a time. What do I do that counts as activism?
Well, these blog posts are an expression of activism. In that I am creating a space in which I can play, can critique, explore, challenge and nurture ideas, concepts, situations, and paradigms, and hopefully make my writing richer and my conversations more interesting. I raise my boys to be as considerate and aware as I can, and I am excited about future conversations we will have as they grow older and learn how to ask questions and see more of the context around us.

I try to be me as much as I can. I have a belief that to be less than I am is against the basic fundamentals of life. I am so very lucky to have everything I have, and to not try and be the most I can be? Would be detrimental and actually a form of harming those who have been so wonderful to support and love me and give me the gifts I have. The gifts I have are an ability to love and forgive, to communicate, inspire people, talk, create safe liminal spaces, read people, and my empathy. Oh my empathy.

I think those are my gifts. I may have missed some, but they will do for the purpose of this discussion. Things I have learnt that use those gifts... organisation, writing, talking/speaking, listening, and... um... well, that really does cover a lot. Fandom, writing, activism, speaking clearly and enunciating slowly... all are crucial things. :) So being out there and doing the best I can, and being seen to be trying, all of this is importan and I see as activism. The fact I get things wrong as much as I get things right is also equally important.

Bearing my heart is also a form of activism. When I talk about my miscarriages and my experiences with depression and other murky things that happen TO people, I am breaking silences down, and contributing to a collective body of knowledge.Maybe it means the next time the same silence has to be broken, it is easier. And the next time, easier again.

I think we're in a time of change, with the noise of a million voices starting to rise. More and more people are starting to be able to live beyond survival and start to look around and ponder on the life we have and the life we choose to live. And more and more people are starting to reach that luxury every day. I'm wondering how much noise do we all make, how long before we all make choices from the plethora of data before us, before we stop making choices based in fear and jealousy and start making choices based in sharing and loving?

How am I travelling on my 20 year plan, and will the things I do still affect my 1,000 year plan?
Well, the twenty year plan is actually going really well. I think this is the 6th year? Anyway, the original plan was to run a few Femmeconnes and then work from there trying to make social change, and I learnt a lot from the femmeconne process that I have incorporated into my every day. Femmeconne showed me one way of talking to people, but in the end without SarahX, it wasn't going to be a continual thing. Femmeconne was born out of our mixed energies, and I couldn't sustain it once she was gone. However I did firm up ideas on what I should be doing, in terms of the things I want to write about and whether people would be interested in the sorts of things i wanted to explore. I also feel drawn to smaller groups these days, and I think small groups of big personal changes are a bit more interesting than grappling with energy management of large groups while Sarah was gone. I think I may have explained that badly; when sarah and I ran femmeconne, we formed a gestalt, in that both of our energies were magnified while running the convention and during preparation. With out her, I don't have that gestalt which enabled me to meet as many people's needs for safe space discussions. I know I didn't meet every one's needs, and I'm sorry about that. However I did do a lot of good stuff for a lot of people, and I really liked helping and providing that space. The big problem, as ever, is money. A smaller group would still have to cover food and accommodation costs, so we'd be looking at a much higher price, plus it's time I started to get paid for the work I do.

I think I got distracted. So, the 20 year plan.. the first 5 was for me to sound things out and see how I felt, and I did. I sounded out the unconference idea, and with the loss of Sarah decided to instead funnel more energy into fandom and learning skills for communication (ie, writing.) So now is the cosolidation phase where I start to put my work out there and hope people like it. Launch and learn time, baby, launch and learn! I am thinking if I can't sell some of my stories, I might just launch them here and learn what happens the fun way. (With great terror?)

Have a great week! 

Spelling checker says I spelled restaurant right ! Quite possibly the first time ever! Yay!


callistra: Fuschia from Sinfest crying her heart out next to Hell's flames (Default)

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