I went to a new play group the other day. I got on better with the women there than I think I did with the last group. Anyway, we're standing outside while the kids play on equipment (wet, damp equipment I might add. My house is full of white sand which is now, thankfully, dry white sand) and just talking about life in general. And the two ladies I was standing with both have husbands who work away from home. Larissa was saying that she likes it because he's away, and then he comes home and they're completely in love with each other for abotu a week before they start arguing about who's turn it is to take out the garbage. And I said "Well, John and I don't fight. We've never fought." And Larissa goes "Sounds kind of boring to me." I mentioned that the sex is great but that we just don't fight over things.
And this has made me wonder - to me, being yelled at and yelling at people is violence. I try not to do this precisely because it is violence. I don't usually raise my voice in anger (Do I? Or am I self delusional here?) although when I am angry I think it can be obvious. John has never raised his voice at me either, although there was this one time when Vinnie was very small and we hadn't slept well in a long time and we both growled at each other. That's about it, but it was caused by a lack of sleep. We have disagreements, but the last thought on our minds is yelling
at each other. I mean, how rude! I don't quite understand how Larissa equated arguing with her husband over the garbage bin to a "more exciting" relationship. Are the two related? The funny thing is, as pretty much 100% of you know by now, I do enjoy bondage and BDSM, giving and receiving, which is of course violence. But the violence I condone is physical only; the people I play with and are played by are 100% respectful of me as a person. By yelling during an everyday event, I see that as violent and disrepectful. And if you're not respecting the person your with, why the hell should they respect you? Is it because she might enjoy not knowing if her husband is angry with her or not when she goes to bed at night? Uncertainty is fun? I don't think I get it. ( I had a weird dream today, so I'm writing it down. )