I have a new job! I have received the paperwork, and I start the Monday immediately after I finish the current job! This contracting bizzo is exhausting!

I am very sad to be leaving the current job. The people and the whole place really worked for me. I was given clearly set goals and KPIs, received excellent feedback, had managers who cared and supported me, encouraged me to apply for other jobs, space to grow and develop, and a job that would have provided never ending challenges.

There may have been a few tears lately.

Hoping the new job is just as awesome. There's always a chance I could end up back where I was, but oh it's so nice to have a career again. I lovelovelove it.

So it's been almost a full year of employment for me. A series of contracts, a trip to Brisbane, paid off a few things, bought bigger things... I am doing this wrong, aren't I? LOL

But this is also the first year where we haven't had to dip into savings to pay for something. We've lived honourably and well, and I still think I am a good money manager. V's orthodontist will require a SUBSTANTIAL deposit shortly, and then 16 monthly payments roughly equivalent to what we're paying on the Carnival. They are good people, and have been absolutely brilliant.

I had a nap today, and feel rejuvenated. I feel plump and relaxed. Off to a dinner party tonight, so excited! Hope every one is having a lovely Saturday. It feels weird to be warbling along like this without a point or a focus.

I am contemplating a few things for writing in the next year. The Month of Foods were pretty popular. I have been thinking about doing some of the Tasty videos that come around on Facebook. Oh for frozen pizza dough in a can! Why don't we have that here??? I may have bought some brie and Camembert but forgot the puff pastry!

Otherwise, I have started writing reviews of movies for Granty. This serves multiple purposes; it gets me thinking critically again, gets me writing again, and gets me used to being back in the public eye.

I feel like I've been hiding under a rock for a couple of years (which is true) and I feel like putting my head up again. So, time to start producing creative works, and for me, that's wordsmithing.
:D

Also, I have managed to log into Dreamwidth on my phone. I wonder if I can do videos here too. I really enjoyed doing them for Kitwardrobes, and getting back into that habit would be great!

So, next year my family will have no income. Again. We did that earlier this year, and we've only just gotten back to the point where we don't owe any one money from that time, and we've paid off the debts and stuff that we accumulated. We were finally going to have a month without Christmas or Birthdays or door payments...

Except not, I guess.

The IT industry is a funny thing right now. We didn't feel the GFC so much at the time, but we certainly seem to be feeling the after effects. Not that it's actually over, as far as I remember it being reported. It's caused some real uncertainty in IT, and we've been working from contract to contract with the hope of a permanent position. The promise was lost, however when the mining companies started to take a hit too, and so no permanent job for us.

So now I am looking for a job too. Full time, interesting, stable... I can do a lot of stuff. I am flexible, self motivating, and a pleasure to work with. But I haven't worked for someone else for almost 8 years. It's not a black hole of time by any means. I have written novels, sold lingerie, run my own business, written manuals, developed an online home business, worked on the Board of WASFF for many years, volunteered at the school, seen some bits of America, sold short stories... I know all this because I have been writing job applications and going over my CV and wondering.... if I am enough.

I have to work out so much stuff. Do I want to try for a career? If so, what career? I have to start at the bottom again, and can I start in a way so I don't die of boredom while I learn from the ground up? Will anything I have done before be useful or valued? Am I hire-able? Can I get a stable job? Is any industry stable these days? What's the point in sorting out what *I* want when really, my family *needs* the stability over the possible career? If IT is as unstable as it appears to be, there has to be an income stream into the family that is constant and reliable. I would love to do temping for a while and do all sorts of things and see what's out there but maybe I just need something steady instead?

This is just the beginning of the job search. I have potentially months to go before I get hired. I struggle with the reversal of power in this situation; I want to be the one who does the research and picks the company to apply all my attention to, and when you're talking  career level stuff, that used to be the way to get your job. But these days I think I have to apply the scatter shot approach. Apply for as many low level jobs as possible in the hopes I get something. Anything. Whatever!

If Chesh manages to get his contract sorted out, there's going to be times when we're *both* working. And it's not even for the money, in that instance, that I need a job. It's the stability. I find this an odd position to be in. The last year has definitely had a lot of trust in it, that we'd find a suitable contract at a suitable rate and a suitable time, but the 9 weeks without pay earlier this year kind of destroyed that trust. This time when it was confirmed the permanent job would not be appearing, and that no contracts were being renewed (John had suspicions) we both hit the ground running. I bought half a cow. John started applying for a minimum of a job a day. I already remember the recipes and the meal plans to minimize food costs. I cried a bit, to be doing this again.

But this is life. :)

And the food is the least of our worries, in a way. I can do things with 10 kilos of rice and 10 kilos of mince to feed us for a month if I had to. The food is not really an issue. It's the bigger things that are going to bounce and worry me. I should start making lists and if we don't have a contract organized by January, I should start ringing companies and asking for suspensions. I don't want to. It's so much fluffing around and so annoying and so... so... embarrassing. I will ring anyway, and I know my cheeks will burn with something which could just be labelled shame. But whatever. I am not ashamed that I need help. I think it's more that I know people make judgements, and that I can't help that and I am powerless and I have to ask the powerful for help. It frustrates me and makes me angry that I'm not the powerful one. It's easy to be benevolent when I have the power. :) less easy when i don't.

I'm not the most graceful of people, that's certainly been proven lately. At least my bratty behaviour seems to be under better control. Hurting the people who love you is never a good thing.

Hurting people trying to help is also never a good thing. This is all just temporary, and I am secure in a web of love and loving people and I know we will be fine. nothing really has changed - we have food on the table and a roof over our heads. Yet something indefinable has changed, and the future seems more uncertain. I'm working through the future and trying to shape what I can but the ground is shifty and difficult to rely on. I need to harden the underlying supports to my family, and that means I can't just pull the wagons close and wait it out this time. I need to get out there and attack the problem. :) I need a job.

I have many worries. Maybe I should stick to writing about one of them at a time.

I find the whole jump from feast to famine really also very disconcerting. We will go from zero income to potentially thousands a month, especially if we're both working at the same time. Such a huge difference! I have to incorporate that into any plans for next year too. Everything is so uncertain. It's weird that there will be so much money coming in, and that we won't *need* it all. I am hoping to save it, keep it, and do stuff... but what? London or new home? Bali with the kids? Brisbane, Melbourne, Tasmania?

This also affects our hopes and plans to move. We won't be able to get a houseloan while Chesh is between contracts, and we can't use any potential job I might have because the banks won't allow for it until i have had the job for 6 - 12 months. Apparently because John has been in the same industry for years and years, his contract work is ok to get a house loan with. We're sitting on 130K of equity that we can't use.

I have nothing else to add to this post yet. It's just random rambling as I think and process. At least I am now at the point where i can think and process. I don't feel too stressed yet, but that might come later. Right now I am seeking ways to plan, to envision and to be prepared for what's coming. This year (2012) I think had some underlying themes of TRUST and FAITH. I'm not sure if I have learnt the lesson yet or if it's still ongoing. The word REDEFINITION is coming up a lot. Maybe it's time I redefined my family and the way it functions. It's time I redefined the roles we all play. It's time to redefine who I am again in an external sense rather than internal. It's time to redefine what my kids do and how they function in the family.

Goodbye 2012. I won't miss you much. You sure had some highlights but you sure had some lowlights too. 2013 will be better. :)

Health
Went to the gym today! Mostly because I am premenstrual and retaining water, and I wanted to zone out while walking. It is just easier to do that at the gym! walked for 25 minutes before I got too bored. Managed to put on 2 kilos this week! I expect it's water weight from period and a big weekend, but dammit! :)

I have no idea what I am going to write about this morning LOL I even had some worked out in my head with great titles and everything! Ah well! :)

Today is a Bit of an Odd Day
And I can't even put my finger on it exactly. Wasn't too cranky, given that some PMT days I am ragey, mostly I was just sort of ... inwards and slightly negative. Most of that seems to have lifted after the gym. I have taken three of the magnesium tablets and just had some cruskits with pate to increase my nutrition for the day. (The pate and carbs can help ease some of my symptoms as well as the magnesium tablets say to take 3 for PMT symptoms, and since I already take 2 a day it's not that much of a leap to take one more.) 

Ponderings
I have been pondering on a number of things lately, and I realise I have been feeling like I have let something go. I like conscious decisions about the important things in my life, but I feel like at some point my grasp on my life has slipped, and rather than me buffetting the world, the world is buffetting me. It's time for me to stop and think, and effectively regroup before I start any real work on any big projects. Still thinking very hard about the getting a job issue, as well as the moving house issue, and being PMTy on top of that has been... annoying. To put it mildly. I am still feeling out the shape of next year, I think, but having to do it in different terms from what I am used to.

I do wonder sometimes, what is my urgency? Why am I always in such a hurry? What do I think will happen if I don't hurry, or if I let things go? What could I let go? Is this the shape I want things to be?

I spent about twenty minutes sitting outside and just letting my thoughts ramble. I think I need to do this again and again until I find my central balance again. I need to find the magic words to bring the quietness in. I need to start creating again, rather than just being created.

Well, yesterday was a busy day!

People are Strange
So I posted on FB yesterday saying I didn't want to be alone, but that it was OK. Someone pinged me later and said "Ok, I'll bite, why are you feeling isolated?" and I was like WTF? Because, a) I didn't say I was feeling isolated, I said I was feeling alone, which are very different things. Isolation means I feel I can't access my friends or family at a time where I need to, whereas alone just means without the company I'd like. Mostly, I felt like I wanted to spend time with Chesh because there's some very large thoughts going down around here, and I wanted to talk to him about them. However, every one invited me over for lunch and coffee so I ended up spending a lot of time yesterday talking to people other than Chesh about my thoughts and ideas about the move, and that was awesome.

And B) You'll bite? Really? You think I post on FB just to bait people into talking to me? Really? *tries to look even more disblieving* How about you actually preface the comment with some words that might indicate you actually care, especially since you seem to think I was feeling isolated (which, on the scale of things, seemed to cause more worry in you than alone did) where as opening with "I'll bite" is just ... annoying.

Got another one today too.
"I was wondering how you're going with this..."
Really? It's so hard to say "Hey, where are you with this task?" I was wondering how you phrase your emails like that, but, you know, I'm not about to email back "Well, I was wondering about doing the task but then I started wondering about playing facebook games and before I knew it I was wondering about replying to your email and lo and behold nothing ever got done!" If I was seriously premenstrual (read: viewing the world through a haze of hate and anger) then I may have responded... but since I don't seem to be too premenstrual, I shall translate from passive aggressive into real communication and work from there.

>.>

Ok, maybe I am a leeetle premenstrual? But in a fun way? Maybe? LOL

The Project
Talked to lots of people yesterday, and also talked lots to Chesh yesterday. Yay talking! I have ideas. But first, the data collection. I need to start with how much is this house worth, to sell or rent, and get some info on that. Next stage will be info from the banks about how much we can potentially borrow, and the third stage of Data will be examining and critiquing our budget and starting a fitness regime for our spending habits. We're both pretty excited about this now, and so hoping there will be some real progress. :)

I Didn't Want To Be Alone
because I don't want to be the only one making all the decisions and home building that this is going to entail. It's going to take so much work, and I want Chesh to be on board and aware of the stuff we/I are going to need to look into and address. I bought this house here, Chesh didn't even see it until after we had put in an offer on it. He was OK with that - we just decided at the time that he didn't want to make the time/trusted me to do pick a good enough house. We still love the house and will be sad to see it go, but the original plan was to only be here until the kids were about 10 - 12, and then move. So we move it forward a few years. :) So, first step is Data. Then we need to start considering other issues, such as my getting a job, how much savings we will need to organize, picking a new suburb, listing the important, urgent, and wish-for lists for the new house, and also finding out what houses are like these days. There's will have been 13 years worth of new houses built since I last looked at house hunting, so I am pretty excited to see what is out there now. Chesh was pretty shocked to discover that most newish houses don't have double brick outer walls. I have no opinions on that!

( Administrivia (List du Jour) )
Last word... thought some more about determined vs stubborn. Determined is where you choose your path, and it's difficult to sway you. Stubborn is where someone else chooses your path, and you choose not to be swayed.

Oooo, deep! LOL
*hugs* to every one!

Ketoing away!
Yay! I have started ketoing! I noticed yesterday that I was getting that taste in my mouth, and the ketostix are starting to go pink. This morning I got deep purple! This is good (yay, back into ketoing) but also means that my body is innefficient at burning ketones, which will come later. A keto spill now is good, it means my body is burning fats correctly. But soon the ketostix won't do anything because my body will burn more efficiently again. I'm really pleased with the diet, it's all going really well!

Thoughts on Boundaries, Happiness, and Poly Independance
Thinking about boundaries and independance today, and also reading articles and stuff about it too. This is an article on Reddit about being independant and poly, and also leachim posted this about the pursuit of happiness vs actual happiness. Boundary setting and awareness is such an important thing for happiness. I disagree with the pursuit vs actual happiness when they say that happy times have to go, as time passes. I think the pursuit of happiness is a skill we need to teach people how to develop; and this is why there's so many self help books out there. We all have our own waus of going about do it, but in the end, it's YOU and YOUR happiness that has to be figured out. Books can give you hints and suggestions, but rarely will it give you the answer. Happiness itself, I think, can be encouraged and developed but is also shaped by the things we bring into the happiness, and I don't see why a happy moment won't add to a general sense of happiness that persevers long beyond the sun is gone and the tea is drunk. But this, too is a skill that has to be developed.

The Reddit article was interesting for me in that it talks about the formation of a team in a relationship. IE, we're independant and self aware, and we know our boundaries and needs, but when we form a relationship, we are forming a team, and this is why we need to know when the other people in our teams are working in tandem with us, rather than in opposition. I am very much a proponent of Ask culture rather than Guess culture, and so these sorts of discussions are not as difficult for me as they can be for some but once again it's a skill that needs to be developed and committed to. Once we know what we want, we can then reach for it. Reaching as a team is a very different skill to reaching as a single, and reaching while in *any* poly relationship also has a different shape and form.

I was talking to someone once about his relationships and mine, and he was making jokes that the V shapes should meet, suggesting the F - F section should develop a poly relationship and have hot sex. He was joking, but at the same time it's a curious thing that he used the word 'should' in this discussion so often, but never the word 'allow.'

Back to the previous points raised in the Pursuit of Happiness vs Happiness article, it also talks about the search for meaning. I have been searching for meaning again for a few weeks now, which means that I am starting to feel stable enough, energetic enough, to start putting my head above water, and maybe daring to breath again. This means anaesthetizing myself through Casteville and Facebook no longer provides what I needed, and I am preparing once agan to engage with myself on a different level. This usually means it's writin' time! 

This is fantastic and difficult! Yay, my addiction is ending/ended. Boo, now I have to engage. (Ooo yuck it is so humid right now! Sorry, had to whine.) However, it's also planning time! (Yay!) so that I engage usefully with the things I wish to encourage/love/grow in my life. I feel like I am finally me again in some obscure way that I can't pin down. I have missed this clarity of thought and feeling, being lost in emotions and cycles lately. Some of the words I have been using lately have finally come home to be meaningful, perhaps, whereas before they were just words on the wind.

Methods of Care
I have also been talking about the ways people care, or show they care, in relation to me when I am upset or emotional. I distrust my emotions, something I think I picked up from my dad, especially when they are too great for me to think through. I need physical contact, i think, though if I don't want contact with you at the time, then it means I'm hurting/upset/angry. I'm pretty obvious, really, because then i will tell you. I think the problem is that when I am emo, my defenses are raised and I can be just as awful as any one else. I struggle to control it, and I struggle with my anger. It goes quickly - ask Ju. I was pretty ropable at lunch the other day, and once the damn was opened I vented and vented and vented until finally the flow of words slowed down, and then... of course... I suggested setting fire to every one who had upset me. Threatening to set fire to things is my way of being finished, and having that clarity begin to return. It doesn't mean that my clarity is back by a long shot LOL but it's coming back, and it's a way to inject a little levity into the situation. What, other people don't laugh while they're hurting? I do, I am always looking for the funny things, the little amusements that make me smile. This doesn't negate the importance of the situation, but laughing together helps me to feel connected to the person I am talking to.

Peppering Questions
I have been asking lots of people their thoughts and opinions about moving house. It seems lots of people are doing it right now! This is now your space - what do you suggest/recommend/story you wish to tell me? Good ones would be lovely LOL but I am also curious as to what you prioritise when it comes to a house, or mortgage, or even your life and how it is shaped by your choices in living arrangements. Have fun!

Health
I think I have a tooth abcess. It would explain my constant getting infections, so hopefully once this is rectified there will be no more infections in my body at all! Yay! 

Detox
Yep, day two, still detoxing. I bought some ketostix, and these ones have sugar monitors on them! Awesomefun! I also bought myself a blood sugar monitor but won't be playing with that just yet. No cravings today, and I found it surprisingly easy to switch back into the diet. It's not so much a detox as just the way I intend to eat for the rest of my life, barring special occasions. So, I am using MyFitnessPal for a giggle, and trying to log my food. It involves some random wild guesses, but for the first two days I have eaten around 1400 calories a day. Apparently I need 2200 or something, but even last time when I was logging I noticed I tend to sit naturally at 1400. It is surprising how much food 1400 calories can be. This includes bacon and eggs, coffee with cream, tom kha gai, satay sticks, my V-8, cheese, pork scotch fillet... I couldn't finish my scotch fillet as I was still too full from a late lunch and the V-8 and cheese I ate after my nap. I am also back into the 2 - 3 litres of water a day thing, which leads into...

Crampy crampy
When I drink so much water, my already delicate salts/sodium/electrolyte balance gets even more fucked up. So I have been drinking one V-8 (250mL with a little extra macrobiotic salt) plus taking the magnesium tablets to try and offset the loss through urine. Last night I woke up at 4:45 with MEGACRAMPS down the front of my calves. I did my usual electrolyte drink (1/2 teaspoon macrobiotic salt, 1 tablespoon lemon juice, 250 mls water) and had a hot shower, and then I couldn's sleep because I have muscle pains elsewhere... I think now due to the infection in my system to the abcess! What a complex PITA I can be!

Stats
I suppose you all wanna know the goss, right?
Ok then! Weigh day is actually Sunday. I've just been busy!

Starting Weight: 115.1
End of Week :0
Current Weight: 115.1
Current Loss: 0
Cumulative Loss: 0

Movies
Saw Hotel Transylvania today. It's a bromance. It was Ok but I didn't like the gender stuff. Sidelining, demeaning, annoying, horrible gender stuff. Other than that it was a pretty standard movie. Definitely a bromance though. It's all about Drac and Johnnie.

Gosh it's been a while! I've been putting all of my energies into the house and getting ready for the party, so I haven't been blogging. I have missed you all!

Part-ay!
The NAFF fundraising Wine and Cheese and Corsetry party went really well! We raised $250, plus ate lots of awesome cheeses and drank some lovely wine. Great turn out, and perfect numbers to fit into my little house! Every one dressed up and looked great for the occasion, and I really enjoyed running around and playing hostess. People have told me they had a great time, so I am now tempted to do it all again... Also have made more friends, and deepening relationships at the party too. I had a great time! I have just finished the handwashing and cleanup today LOL

Headache!
I had a migraine last week, and now I seem to still have the same headache across the last few days. Maybe I will go see my physio soon, but it's a mild headache and it's just in the back of my neck/head... I can put this off more...

Wedding!
Went to the most beautiful wedding on Sunday! The bride and groom were both radiant and lovely, and their families also looked so very happy to be there. I was so honoured to be invited! Speeches were very heartfelt and made me cry, and I cried during the ceremony too as every one just looked so happy. Wonderful!

Exhausted!
After finishing at 2ish on Saturday, then 11:30ish on Sunday, I'm dead on my feet! Slept well last night... except for that hour in the middle which was most annoying. Hoping for a good night's sleep today, then I should be most perky. I like being perky.

Friendships
I am putting a lot of energy into new relationships at the moment. This kind of scotches my plans to hide under my rock! Lots of new people around, which is both daunting and invigorating. Have managed to get out of my inner social groups and met more people. It's funny to go from no one and nothing new for so long and then suddenly meet so many new people and have so many new conversations and new ideas. It highlights my willingness to hermit, and I find myself being aware of how much energy I spend where. I'm trying to be  careful to ensure that every one gets what they need from me, and also to ensure I get what I need in return. A bit of a delicate balancing act. :)

Random Ramble - The Sunburnt Edition!

Sports Carnival today!
Had a great time! Exhausting though, sitting around talking all day. :) Met the ... i don't know what she is, but she is at the school to counsel kids and I think she works for Communicare or something and Communicare has been given a lot of money to help set up support stuff in our suburb, so she was out and about garnering opinions and stuff. It was... interesting. Most of the people I was hanging out with were a tad fortified for a day of kid sports, and so were pretty chatty but it's funny listening to each of us navigate the past few years of school politics without actually explaining any of it. It's also hard to explain, and there's a certain level of trust required before people will really open up honestly. After all, no one wants to bitch about someone and then have a listener run off to tell the person all about it, now do they? However, what is interesting for me is that they are looking for volunteers to run stuff, ie cooking classes and budgeting classes and so forth, and I am thinking this might be a useful vehicle for me to practice running that sort of thing, writing the plans and documentation and do some IRL work for Saucy Sarahs. However then she started staring into my eyes and talking about the new steering committee they are developing and how that needs volunteers too and... GAH. Who's NOT looking for volunteers, lady? Every one wants people to work for free right now. I also don't think I am a representative of the local demographic, so why would listening to my needs be of use to any one?

Plans
Such a beautiful day today. Really did enjoy the weather and the chatting all day. Just a lovely way to spend the day. So, I am working on ideas for the school holidays, and much planning has been accomplished. Hoping to pack in 2 movies, 2 picnics, a trip to the pool and a trip to the beach into it. Plus it's clothes and shoes audit time. Yay? Lucky us? *sigh* Anyway, here's a special kind of link for geeks out there thinking about going on picnics. :D

Articles
Haven't heard yet so I am still hopeful. Fingers crossed! 

Jurien Bay Fishing
If you're in Jurien Bay and would like to go fishing, here's a link to some friends of mine that way setting up their own business. Good luck to them!

Time to go watch BB!
:)

Ooo, a late one today! It's been busy, and in an awesome way!

Corsets
A friend mentioned a friend who works for a certain company who might be interested (could I put any more hedging into a sentence?) in some blog articles on corsetry, so I have been in a whirlwind of enthusiasm writing writing writing! Yay! I workshopped some ideas today, and then wrote two suitable articles, and i shall wrte a couple more and then see if they're what the friend of a friend is looking for. So excited! I knew I was pretty passionate about corsetry, but it turns out I am REALLY passionate about corsetry! 

Big Brother
They all seem to be having fun still. I enjoyed the jungle documentary they are playing with, and they seem to be having a great time with it. Michael as the lion is funny, and his lionesses make ma laugh too. Ray the ever popular hyena gets to eat ALL THE THINGS!

Question!
Would you describe me as curious or impatient?

Health
Throat is only a tiny bit swollen. Teensy tiny bit. *crosses fingers* however I walked to school and back and didn't need to lie down, so yay! Things are improving! Plus I had enough energy to do creative writing stuff, which actually takes a surprising amount. I forgot today was an early pickup for the kids, and bought an icecream to sit in the sun and eat while reading the new cake decorating magazine. Driving past the school I noticed an awful lot of cars ... oops! Ate the icecream in the carpark while reading the magazine... close enough! It's just such a gorgeous day today! The icecream means today is NOT the first day of a healthier eating plan LOL I will probably start on Monday. I'm still firming up my ideas on this.

Lawyers
Finally contacted lawyers about car accident. I was kind of avoiding that and getting stressy every time I remembered. And now it is done! Just hoping it will all be over soon. I don't want to think about this any more.

Playdate and OMG SCHOOL HOLIDAYS!
Kids had a bonus playdate today, plus I came home after the playdate and finished adding some expert advice (Thanks Kundra!) to my corset article. Gosh I feel productive! Oh and I realised school holidays must be coming up... only a few weeks away. I should maybe thinking about possibly having a plan or something. Now why would I do that??

Health
Yeah, it's up here again. I seem to be getting some low level infections, which are VERY uncomfortable and annoying. Anyway, since starting this post, the entire day has passed and I have been to the doctor. He thinks it's a kidney infection, so he's given me trimethoprim. My throat is still sore/horrible and I forgot to gargle this morning, so I think it's a touch worse than it was. Apparently my tonsils are a bit enlarged. Gosh.

Phoning It In
Another really quick post today. I have been so busy, I just haven't had time to sit down and think. I have been processing a lot of stuff from all the meetings I have been having, and needing some downtime to cope. I cancelled going to the gym mostly because I just didn't want to talk for 45 minutes while on a treadmill. I could have seen Mel with a coffee, perhaps, but knowing how mentally exhausted I am, I wanted to keep my energy for lunch with Willowgypsy. And of course the doorbell rang! Dammit! :) It was Mum!

And Then She Asked...
We had a really lovely coffee, lots of laughter and I let her harrangue me about the thing she wanted to harrangue me about and then she asked if I had found out what I had said to leahcim when I rang him, and so I told her - I had been going on about how my Mum made me who I was and then Mum stole the phone or I gave it to her and she said if he ever hurt me she was going to kill him! She was mortified and said she would never be able to look him in the eye again! LOL!  I told her he thought it was sweet, and she laughed and seemed a bit less embarrassed.

Circles and Circles
I have been thinking again of drawing up my relationship diagram. Mine would be concentric rings, showing the mix of mental/physical closeness I share with my friends/family. It just seems like it might be a fun idea.

Lines and Lines and Lines and Lines!
Despite the mental exhaustion and anxieties, I have had some really lovely quality chats with some friends over the last few days. I have enjoyed all of them, and also enjoyed getting out of the house! It's so very easy for me to get so over busy that I forget everything else, and I've not been concentrating on my house (it's a mess) or my health as best I could. But I still wouldn't change anything for the world right now.