Aug. 13th, 2012

callistra: Fuschia from Sinfest crying her heart out next to Hell's flames (Default)
On Inspiration
Yay inspiration! I love being excited about creating and I'm getting ready to throw myself into Skintree today. I may also be avoiding lawyer stuff. I should do that. But... I can put it off instead! By writing! I read someone the other day talking about narrative and how they find themselves writing the same sorts of themes, and I think I do too. Lots of power and sex and unusual relationships. I want to get right into those again, messy and icky and strange and hold them up for my writerly mind to examine. This might mean I have the urge to go back to my trilogy of five, but right now i shall continue to muck around with Skintree. Maybe our heroine just needs some more complex relationships in her life. :)

is announced! Come along, give me cash for NAFF and have a great time! Looks like it's going to be huge!

Coping is a funny thing. We all do the best we can, but we seem to have these ideas in our heads that coping means something clean, neat, and orderly. I have this idea in my head that my emotions can be neatly packaged and put into the pigeon  holes, and when they're organized enough, neat enough, perfect enough, there won't be any surprises. But even when the emotions are in random piles on the floor and there's pigeon poo on my head, that's still coping. It just doesn't look the way I want my coping to look. It's a mess and I have to lift one pile of emotions to understand another and there's trails of crap between other piles and then there's unexpected piles and I just want to shove it all into a box and hide it. I try and keep things neat, but life isn't neat. It's messy and breathtaking and there's pigeon poo and dishes and love and laughter and it's everything, all at once.

I also read somewhere (possibly Starve Better again) or an internet article about how a lot of writers, being of a certain background/race/education/etc (ie, me to a large degree) often have trouble portraying characters that are *not* like them. Part of this is the lack of struggle in their lives, and the way that people form coping mechanisms when they have to because, at the time that mechanism was formed, it was what worked. Writers of my demographic (though I am lower class more than middle class, but I have Aspirations) haven't had the mental callouses that some real life experiences (and struggle) provide. When things change later the mechanisms seem odd, crazy, weird, out of this world... but once, they were what was needed, and our psyches are shaped by our experiences in this fashion. Somewhere, somehow, I learned that food makes me feel things when I was unhappy/uncomfortable. This tied in with my (suspected) propensity towards diabetes means I liked to eat and I got big. And being fat was a defensive mechanism, in a way. I wonder if I liked being so big because I felt no one could ignore me. No one could not *see* me. I was there in full technicolour and taking up space. So now I have segued from coping to taking up space... My mind moves in mysterious ways! I also think that putting on weight wasn't intentional. We were just busy. 7 - 9 social engagements a week plus work... we were just busy back then. Wouldn't give it up for the world though!

What does coping mean, anyway? Is 'coping' at the low end of survival? So it's like... coping means you're able to provide yourself with a certain level of sustenance, air, shelter and company? But to excel you provide a higher level of the same? Enough/not enough/glut where does 'cope' fit against 'survival' and 'excel'?

I want to write and I want to have written. These are very different things.
And I want to start writing articles so I learn how to write articles and then may be one day I could try and sell an article. Or I could just give up right now and have a coffee and go back to my novel and daydream of selling it. There's a lot of things to be said for working for someone else. They'd be a lot easier on me than I am, to start with! Also, having someone tell me what to do would be highly attractive... for maybe a week or two! LOL The longer I am at home the less employable I am getting because I am getting ornery and demanding and I like to think.

My friends love me and I love them. And there was cake. The End.

Spellchecker Says
demographc is not a real word. Dammit, it's right! No abotus today, and I didn't go to any restaurants. Yay! Though it does think middleclass should be two words... Hmmm.


callistra: Fuschia from Sinfest crying her heart out next to Hell's flames (Default)

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