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Saw the obstetrician today. She was very chirpy, and despite the headcold being worse, we were pretty chirpy too. :-) I even got to throw my knickers around the office! Now that's not something you do every day!
:-)
Inducement day is Tuesday. If we haven't already started. Her comment was "Everything is still in top position, so basically I think you just need one or two good contractions, and you'll be well on your way." Cool. Things have progressed further since the last meeting (now dilated 2 cm, and everything else is softened up nicely.)
I'm feeling vulnerable right now. It's an odd feeling for me. Usually I start feeling vulnerable, figure out why, get over it/get angry/deal, but I don't think there's a lot to say right now. :-) Or get over. Or deal. Can't deal until afterwards really. Every one's so cynical and bitter sometimes.
I think one thing the discussions of inductions has made me aware of is that I really, really would like to avoid being induced. If i can make thing happen naturally, I would. Actually, it's not so much the inducement, it's the natural childbirth. (And no, not mean "drug free". Drugs are fine. I'll take 'em!) There's this big challenge ahead of me, and I want to face it head on and just... do ... it... but instead I'm sitting around waiting. And I really don't want a ceasarian. I guess not many people do. (I can't say no one does, there's entire lists of people on the baby forum who have been begging their Obs for ceasarians because they don't like the idea of natural childbirth. That's why they should have gone private I guess.)
My body is designed to carry and eventually give birth to children. I trust my body to work, and I trust my Ob to help, rather than interfere. I'm worried about a spiralling level of intervention may occur, but I doubt it. I have John to help put the checks on if need be, and Dr Anna is as relaxed about everything as I am, so I *really* don't think it's an issue. I spose a part of it is that I have worked for a long time to come in tune with my body in it's rhythms, and this is just another, huge rhythm, just that it's a rhythm I don't know. I'm hoping to avoid episiotomy, epidural, other tools like forceps and vacuums, cesars etc. I'm not enthused enough to try for a home birth, and I'm not worried about water much other than making sure there's a nice comfy shower nearby, but the idea of being flat on my back is alien to me, and the idea of an operation where the baby is plucked out is one I want to avoid if I can. I'm not stupid; if it's needed, it's needed. If I didn't trust Dr Anna to be able to make that sort of decision, then I would have found a different Ob.
Apparently PND is often directly related to the birth experience - we have expectations and ideas, and when things go wrong or don't turn out the way they expected or there's an emergency, the chances of PND are much, much higher. I can see why. Men get PND too, so don't think you guys get to get out of this. PND can also strike for up to two years after the baby is born, possibly even longer. I think I have a strong enough support group with my family and friends that PND doesn't frighten me. But I know how disappointed I will be if I can't have as natural a birth as possible. And having been through subdrop a few times, the abyss of PND is suddenly a realisation that might happen. I can see why the birth process is a major factor. And in our society where people don't think about the realitiies of life, the nitty gritty of life, death, birth, decay and destruction, where our meat comes in little packages and children have no idea what a chicken is or does, that this sudden return to the primaeval is a nasty, nasty shock. There's always going to be a part of us that is below words (or even the Black Gang as McMaster Bujold terms it) which lives under the layer of civilisation, and so many people don't even think to look there. That's where I'm hoping to draw my strength. That's where I think all women have their strength. We're two steps away from killing for our children at any point. We're so close to the dirt that civilisation can't understand. And I think that women who don't realise that they are connected to the dirt, whether they're maternal or not, are lying to themselves in some way. It's not necessarily a maternal thing. It's just that in current times, the only time women have to find the dirt is during childbirth. I'm going to be literally torn apart. And I have to find a way to survive. And it's something every other mother has done before me.
I don't think we need to live in the darkness. I do, however, think we need to be aware of it. Use it for our ambition. Use it to get what we want and what we need. Civilisation, to me, is control. It's a good thing. People should be civil. There should always be a codified structure of behaviour and social mores within which human beings interact. But sometimes, we need to acknowledge that at the base level, we're all just animals that can talk.
:-)
Inducement day is Tuesday. If we haven't already started. Her comment was "Everything is still in top position, so basically I think you just need one or two good contractions, and you'll be well on your way." Cool. Things have progressed further since the last meeting (now dilated 2 cm, and everything else is softened up nicely.)
I'm feeling vulnerable right now. It's an odd feeling for me. Usually I start feeling vulnerable, figure out why, get over it/get angry/deal, but I don't think there's a lot to say right now. :-) Or get over. Or deal. Can't deal until afterwards really. Every one's so cynical and bitter sometimes.
I think one thing the discussions of inductions has made me aware of is that I really, really would like to avoid being induced. If i can make thing happen naturally, I would. Actually, it's not so much the inducement, it's the natural childbirth. (And no, not mean "drug free". Drugs are fine. I'll take 'em!) There's this big challenge ahead of me, and I want to face it head on and just... do ... it... but instead I'm sitting around waiting. And I really don't want a ceasarian. I guess not many people do. (I can't say no one does, there's entire lists of people on the baby forum who have been begging their Obs for ceasarians because they don't like the idea of natural childbirth. That's why they should have gone private I guess.)
My body is designed to carry and eventually give birth to children. I trust my body to work, and I trust my Ob to help, rather than interfere. I'm worried about a spiralling level of intervention may occur, but I doubt it. I have John to help put the checks on if need be, and Dr Anna is as relaxed about everything as I am, so I *really* don't think it's an issue. I spose a part of it is that I have worked for a long time to come in tune with my body in it's rhythms, and this is just another, huge rhythm, just that it's a rhythm I don't know. I'm hoping to avoid episiotomy, epidural, other tools like forceps and vacuums, cesars etc. I'm not enthused enough to try for a home birth, and I'm not worried about water much other than making sure there's a nice comfy shower nearby, but the idea of being flat on my back is alien to me, and the idea of an operation where the baby is plucked out is one I want to avoid if I can. I'm not stupid; if it's needed, it's needed. If I didn't trust Dr Anna to be able to make that sort of decision, then I would have found a different Ob.
Apparently PND is often directly related to the birth experience - we have expectations and ideas, and when things go wrong or don't turn out the way they expected or there's an emergency, the chances of PND are much, much higher. I can see why. Men get PND too, so don't think you guys get to get out of this. PND can also strike for up to two years after the baby is born, possibly even longer. I think I have a strong enough support group with my family and friends that PND doesn't frighten me. But I know how disappointed I will be if I can't have as natural a birth as possible. And having been through subdrop a few times, the abyss of PND is suddenly a realisation that might happen. I can see why the birth process is a major factor. And in our society where people don't think about the realitiies of life, the nitty gritty of life, death, birth, decay and destruction, where our meat comes in little packages and children have no idea what a chicken is or does, that this sudden return to the primaeval is a nasty, nasty shock. There's always going to be a part of us that is below words (or even the Black Gang as McMaster Bujold terms it) which lives under the layer of civilisation, and so many people don't even think to look there. That's where I'm hoping to draw my strength. That's where I think all women have their strength. We're two steps away from killing for our children at any point. We're so close to the dirt that civilisation can't understand. And I think that women who don't realise that they are connected to the dirt, whether they're maternal or not, are lying to themselves in some way. It's not necessarily a maternal thing. It's just that in current times, the only time women have to find the dirt is during childbirth. I'm going to be literally torn apart. And I have to find a way to survive. And it's something every other mother has done before me.
I don't think we need to live in the darkness. I do, however, think we need to be aware of it. Use it for our ambition. Use it to get what we want and what we need. Civilisation, to me, is control. It's a good thing. People should be civil. There should always be a codified structure of behaviour and social mores within which human beings interact. But sometimes, we need to acknowledge that at the base level, we're all just animals that can talk.
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no subject
Date: 2005-08-05 09:27 am (UTC)From::-)
I might have to think about it some more!