callistra | Fuck I wish this year was over (Reply)

So far this year:

- Started life in a 2 x 1 metre space. Didn't realise how this would affect me mentally.
- Granddad died
- Aunty Norma has a haemorrage in the brain. No no, wait, it was two. Plus now she has infection in other areas.
- I miscarried at 10 weeks
- I got to melbourne to discover Claudine and Lauren in the same room
- I go through what I can see now really was clinical depression
- Vinnie has a fit and I spend three or four hours in an emergency ward with him, Sarah and Ellie.

Obviously, I was due some pain, but really. Would it be easier on the people around me if I broke a limb or something?

Better things to think about this year:

- Nice shiny new floors
- Vinnie's first birthday party rocked
- I came out of the depression
- Femmeconne is rocking along
- Vinnie is beautiful and Ok
- Sarah is my rock and my mainstay next to John and I have heaps of supportive friends too
- Sexy friends!
- Other sexy friends!
- Vinnie is a happy, delightful child who must remember to use his charm for GOOD and not evil
- John is wonderful and supportive and fantastic and I love him to bits too
- I have shiny new clothes
- I have shiny new haircut
- I have fantastic friends.
- I am rapidly approaching drunk. Yay alcohol!
- Vinnie is surrounded by people who love him.

What happened today: well, we were at Sarah's for about ten minutes max, when Vinnie went kind of weird against Sarah's coffee table. She said "Is he OK?" and I looked at him and said "I don't think so," so she picked him up. He was shaking and jerking and his eyes were distant and he wasn't in there. I stood up, and we thought he was choking. I said "I don't know what to do," which really was me deciding, or rather it could be translated as "I will call 000" but first; airway. We thought he might be choking because there was a lot of stuff on the floor, plus it's the first logical thing you can think of. He didn't appear to be breathing, or else breathing very shallowly, so I shove a finger down his throat to clear the airway. He starts screaming. This is good. It means there is air. I ring 000, and they ask me some questions. He's still jerking and screaming in Sarah's arms, but he is responding when I call his name, and eventually they tell me to put him into the recovery position until the ambulance arrives. I do so, and ask if it would help if someone is out the front for the ambulance. I ask Sarah to stand out the front while I put Vinnie into position, stroking his limbs occasionally to make sure he can still feel, I put my hand under his cheek so it's less harsh than the floor, and I thump him gently on the back, like we did when he was a baby baby to help calm him down. He continues to cry the whole time, which is a big relief for me, since it means he is stil breathing. His body was jerking quite a lot, and then only on the left side, but this stops also, and then the ambulance has arrived. We pick him up, and they say if he was choking, he is fine now, but then they ask for more info, and we explain about the jerking weirdness. They say it might be febrile or infantile febrile, but that since we are not sure, I can take him to a dr or they can bring us into the hospital. We talk about this for 30 seconds, and in the end we went into the hospital. They suggest we give him some baby panadol first, which we do. Sarah drove her and Ellie.

The hospital staff were lovely. Vinnie is clinging to me like he has never clung before, but slowly he is getting less deadlike, and eventually he lifts his head to see what is going on. We get a room, and get comfy. :-) I rang John. They bring us a cot, which is handy, because after about half an hour or so, he's much more normal, and alert. His temperature goes as high as 38.7. They attach a thing to his toe which measures heart rate and 02 and all that stuff, which was funny because he gets REALLY excited when I let him play with the mobile, which freaks us out! :-) The dr was very nice, the staff was very nice, I remember babbling occasionally. Time seemed to go really really fast. They gave him some neurofen. It didn't feel like 3 hours before they let us loose. Sarah sorted out the child problem by leaving Ellie with Andy and driving me and Vinnie home, and then going back for her, and I went straight home, grabbed John and came home. Now, we have finally had something to eat, and Vinnie is in bed asleep, and I had a g and t and it was good but now we have run out of tonic, and so we've had a shot of sheridan's as well. I feel wrung out. Numb. Distant. And completely unable to concentrate. :-)

Also, when I was going to John's workplace, a mummy duck and a million babies tried to cross the road. I managed to swerve. The two cars behind me seemed to swerve ok. But the car behind them had a huge trailor which was full of awkward stuff, and I could see he tried. I don't know whether the mother duck made it, but a lot of the babies did, and I had to tell myself about this breathing thing while trying to drive. Maybe I should have stopped on the side of the road for a bit. But I just wanted to get John and come home.

And there's still four more months to go until christmas. We're having a Christmas party. If you don't come, I will assume you died in transit and it's all my fault. So be here.
:-)

And, y'know, I still don't have a mopey icon for all this whining I have been doing.
:-)