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I think so far the posts which most closely mirror my point of view is Granty's.
I think there's an erroneous point of view that people seem to have, that this is a once off instance, and that by the assaulter not coming to the convention will make it all so much safer.
This is wrong.
Any public space has always has the same problems and issues.
By taking a public stand, we hope to affect change and maybe we can try and make one tiny corner of the world a safer place.
I am glad one of the parties has made the decision not to come. I am glad that this relieves me, and a lot of people in a way. But it's not a permanent solution, and I worrry that a strong community front can very easily turn to vigilantism and lynching.
Logansrogue also has the same worries too, so I draw attention to her post.
But in the end, I am 100% glad this conversation is happpening. It's about time that people started to realise how unsafe public and even private events are for women. I just wish it had all happened without having to spring from the trauma of an actual event.
He isn't welcome. It makes me sad to say it, but it makes me stressy and fearful and worried about other people to consider allowing him to come.
:-(
Please do not forget though - this man came out and was honest about his assault on another person. How many people are assaulting people and don't say anything ever? How are we supposed to screen these people before they assalt someone, hoping to make a safe space?
Reposted below is a pledge I made a few years ago.
Open Souce Back Each Other Up Project
Modified, but mostly from here: http://vito-excalibur.livejournal.com/17
I pledge:
If I see somebody groping you in public, and you're not moaning Yes! Yes! Yes!, I will break through your Somebody Else's Problem invisibility field and come over and ask if you're okay. If your situation looks dangerous enough I can't help on my own, I will call over friends or, if it's a situation in which I think the cops would be on your side, I will call the cops. If you're being harassed by a person, you can say so to me, even if you don't know me. I pledge I will distract them so you can get away, or I will tell them that they need to leave, or whatever I can do to the best of my ability. I pledge that yes, actually, because you are a person I will give you the benefit of the doubt. If you tell me that a person just did something shitty to you I will not refuse to look at any evidence and tell you that I know them and they're a great person and you must have been imagining things. I have great loyalty to my friends but I will not allow that to blind me to the fact that none of us are saints and even my best friends can screw up and may need to be called on it. I pledge that I will walk you to your car if you don't feel safe walking alone at night, and then you can drive me to mine. I pledge that even if I don't know you, if there is a creepy person following you around, you can say so, and I will not say to you go hide in your room; I will say to them go find another party, or if necessary, go home. I will come with you if you need to talk to the con organizers. I will not make you feel like your right to control over your own body is not a big deal.
And I will do this whether or not I like you, or even know you. It's not about liking you. It's about the fact that we need to back each other up, and I will need you to do this for me some day.
ETA: "In addition, I think that YCR members should be proactive, following a "Friends don't let friends be Creepy" policy. More than serving as distractions for Creeps or as back to the Backup as described, we YCR men can look at our friends, and say, "Dude, you're being a dick. Stop it." before things get to the point where the Backup has to intervene. And, if a situation warrants it, we can educate them in the wrongness of said behavior, so that they go forth and be Creepy no more."
I think there's an erroneous point of view that people seem to have, that this is a once off instance, and that by the assaulter not coming to the convention will make it all so much safer.
This is wrong.
Any public space has always has the same problems and issues.
By taking a public stand, we hope to affect change and maybe we can try and make one tiny corner of the world a safer place.
I am glad one of the parties has made the decision not to come. I am glad that this relieves me, and a lot of people in a way. But it's not a permanent solution, and I worrry that a strong community front can very easily turn to vigilantism and lynching.
Logansrogue also has the same worries too, so I draw attention to her post.
But in the end, I am 100% glad this conversation is happpening. It's about time that people started to realise how unsafe public and even private events are for women. I just wish it had all happened without having to spring from the trauma of an actual event.
He isn't welcome. It makes me sad to say it, but it makes me stressy and fearful and worried about other people to consider allowing him to come.
:-(
Please do not forget though - this man came out and was honest about his assault on another person. How many people are assaulting people and don't say anything ever? How are we supposed to screen these people before they assalt someone, hoping to make a safe space?
Reposted below is a pledge I made a few years ago.
Open Souce Back Each Other Up Project
Modified, but mostly from here: http://vito-excalibur.livejournal.com/17
I pledge:
If I see somebody groping you in public, and you're not moaning Yes! Yes! Yes!, I will break through your Somebody Else's Problem invisibility field and come over and ask if you're okay. If your situation looks dangerous enough I can't help on my own, I will call over friends or, if it's a situation in which I think the cops would be on your side, I will call the cops. If you're being harassed by a person, you can say so to me, even if you don't know me. I pledge I will distract them so you can get away, or I will tell them that they need to leave, or whatever I can do to the best of my ability. I pledge that yes, actually, because you are a person I will give you the benefit of the doubt. If you tell me that a person just did something shitty to you I will not refuse to look at any evidence and tell you that I know them and they're a great person and you must have been imagining things. I have great loyalty to my friends but I will not allow that to blind me to the fact that none of us are saints and even my best friends can screw up and may need to be called on it. I pledge that I will walk you to your car if you don't feel safe walking alone at night, and then you can drive me to mine. I pledge that even if I don't know you, if there is a creepy person following you around, you can say so, and I will not say to you go hide in your room; I will say to them go find another party, or if necessary, go home. I will come with you if you need to talk to the con organizers. I will not make you feel like your right to control over your own body is not a big deal.
And I will do this whether or not I like you, or even know you. It's not about liking you. It's about the fact that we need to back each other up, and I will need you to do this for me some day.
ETA: "In addition, I think that YCR members should be proactive, following a "Friends don't let friends be Creepy" policy. More than serving as distractions for Creeps or as back to the Backup as described, we YCR men can look at our friends, and say, "Dude, you're being a dick. Stop it." before things get to the point where the Backup has to intervene. And, if a situation warrants it, we can educate them in the wrongness of said behavior, so that they go forth and be Creepy no more."
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no subject
Date: 2010-02-25 12:10 am (UTC)From:I also like the Open Source Back Each Other Up project; that is a seriously awesome idea.
no subject
Date: 2010-02-25 02:08 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2010-02-25 06:20 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2010-02-25 11:32 am (UTC)From:There's still a long way to go.
"Friends don't let friends be Creepy"
Quoted for truth. We can always use more friends, all of us.
no subject
Date: 2010-02-25 12:41 pm (UTC)From: