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I have been working on acceptance pretty intensively lately. I think most of you know I'm a pretty full on kind of person. I don't like to hang around and wait, I'd rather be out there doing. So acceptance is something I have some connection with, but not a full connection, and this year has basically made me think about acceptance a LOT.
This year has made me think about a lot of things alot. I'm cherishing my rest times not just because I allow my body to just *lie there* and not *do* anything, but also because it's allowed me more thinking time. I'm using it in my writing, I'm using it in my personal life, and I'm using it to explore my own head.
The acceptance issue is something I said I have some connection with. I can't be as full on and intense as I am without knowing that everything I do means there's other ramifications. When someone says "wouldn't it be great to do X?" I instantly plot it out in my head... and work out if it's feasible, if it's something I want to put my energy into, is it something that fits in with what I want to do, do I need to do anything for it... and a part of all of those decisions the acceptance that sometimes great ideas don't happen for other priorities. I accept I can't do everything. I accept that I am not wonderwoman, that I have responsibilities and things that need doing.
I have to accept that I need to balance my writing with my family(ies) and that I don't get to do everything I want to. I accept that I am learning, and that I accept a lot of stuff that is an *active* acceptance.
The other side of this... is a more passive acceptance. After my and Chesh's birthday party, I was pretty broken. My scars from my gallstone operations were all flaring and hurting, my legs were hurting, my back was in constant pain, and my stomach muscles were also aching. But I still went to the kid's party anyway at the Claremont Showgrounds. We were really lucky - we got an excellent parking spot right next to the pavillion the kids stuff was in. We took cash rather than lug everything around. The kids had an absolute ball. I did the best I could until finally I said to Chesh that we needed to go home.
And I was so hung over, bloated, sore, swollen, sick, aching, and pained that I've effectively needed to rest for the next three days to recover. As in, lie on a couch type of rest, for hours in the days. Not just my 20 minute rests. I cancelled so much stuff then, but I just needed to lie still and heal.
And I have to accept that. I can't just ignore the signs and signals any more. I have to accept that sometimes, my body is broken and I need to allow it more time, and specific activities, to heal. I've given up trying to say that maybe I don't need this operation. I've accepted that it will help with the muscles aches I get. I am also accepting that I am going to have an operation, and that I am going to be putting my self and my health into the care of strangers.
I accept I am going to be vulnerable and needy next month as I recover fromt he op. I accept that I am going to need help, and that simple things like cooking dinner are going to be hard for (hopefully) only a few days. But after last time? I'm allocating a whole month to 'recover and being gentle' time. Thankfully this year I don't have five hundred million OMG urgent important things that have to be done as well as Christmas, Birthdays and Partys. October is a bad time for an op for me LOL. January is much nicer!
I have also needed to accept that I have learnt a LOT about writing. I was focusing on learning craft this year. I wanted to get beyond the putting words after each other, and into the poetry of sentences and paragraphs. I did my Nanowrimo precisely to explore and play and throw words about and see what happened. I accept that my writing has improved immeasurably - now I just need to do something with it!
This year has made me think about a lot of things alot. I'm cherishing my rest times not just because I allow my body to just *lie there* and not *do* anything, but also because it's allowed me more thinking time. I'm using it in my writing, I'm using it in my personal life, and I'm using it to explore my own head.
The acceptance issue is something I said I have some connection with. I can't be as full on and intense as I am without knowing that everything I do means there's other ramifications. When someone says "wouldn't it be great to do X?" I instantly plot it out in my head... and work out if it's feasible, if it's something I want to put my energy into, is it something that fits in with what I want to do, do I need to do anything for it... and a part of all of those decisions the acceptance that sometimes great ideas don't happen for other priorities. I accept I can't do everything. I accept that I am not wonderwoman, that I have responsibilities and things that need doing.
I have to accept that I need to balance my writing with my family(ies) and that I don't get to do everything I want to. I accept that I am learning, and that I accept a lot of stuff that is an *active* acceptance.
The other side of this... is a more passive acceptance. After my and Chesh's birthday party, I was pretty broken. My scars from my gallstone operations were all flaring and hurting, my legs were hurting, my back was in constant pain, and my stomach muscles were also aching. But I still went to the kid's party anyway at the Claremont Showgrounds. We were really lucky - we got an excellent parking spot right next to the pavillion the kids stuff was in. We took cash rather than lug everything around. The kids had an absolute ball. I did the best I could until finally I said to Chesh that we needed to go home.
And I was so hung over, bloated, sore, swollen, sick, aching, and pained that I've effectively needed to rest for the next three days to recover. As in, lie on a couch type of rest, for hours in the days. Not just my 20 minute rests. I cancelled so much stuff then, but I just needed to lie still and heal.
And I have to accept that. I can't just ignore the signs and signals any more. I have to accept that sometimes, my body is broken and I need to allow it more time, and specific activities, to heal. I've given up trying to say that maybe I don't need this operation. I've accepted that it will help with the muscles aches I get. I am also accepting that I am going to have an operation, and that I am going to be putting my self and my health into the care of strangers.
I accept I am going to be vulnerable and needy next month as I recover fromt he op. I accept that I am going to need help, and that simple things like cooking dinner are going to be hard for (hopefully) only a few days. But after last time? I'm allocating a whole month to 'recover and being gentle' time. Thankfully this year I don't have five hundred million OMG urgent important things that have to be done as well as Christmas, Birthdays and Partys. October is a bad time for an op for me LOL. January is much nicer!
I have also needed to accept that I have learnt a LOT about writing. I was focusing on learning craft this year. I wanted to get beyond the putting words after each other, and into the poetry of sentences and paragraphs. I did my Nanowrimo precisely to explore and play and throw words about and see what happened. I accept that my writing has improved immeasurably - now I just need to do something with it!
