Living in The Flesh

[callistra]

Does any one else have a disconnect between their bodies and their brains?

I know I am not the only one, but is it common? Rare? Something we just don't talk about?

I have always been very attached to my computers, and the more I seek to hide from something, the more I escape into my PC or books. I hide from my kids on my pc, and cope with difficult situations by hitting my games. I've been aware of this as an issue for some time, but I know this is a coping mechanism. That and eating! I don't want to mess with coping mechanisms until I have sorted out why that thing is a coping mechanism, made a conscious choice about trying to change it to something else, and have that something else already sorted out.

There's two sides to my computer use though - one use is throwing myself into something mindless to hide/process, and the other is an engaged use of the pc, using my brains and keeping my thought processes active. IE, writing novels, reports, blog posts, reading critical articles, etc etc etc. I want to keep one use but I keep sliding over into the other use. Castleville was a nice balance of monotonous stuff mixed with slightly engaging stuff. These days it's a never ending cycle of waiting 18 hours so i can ask my friends for crap... which leads me to believe my time with CV is drawing to an end. But my addiction to FB games and what this brings me is not the focus of today's blog. :)

Back to the disconnect. I'm talking about it now because the other big use of my pc is connection with my friends. If I didn't have my friends on chat, instantly available to me, then I'd actually have to leave the house to remain in touch with the rest of humanity. The instant messenger addiction is both a blessing and a curse - a blessing for keeping me happy, and a curse for tying me to the PC in yet another way. I have my iphone now, and I see the tangled tentacles reaching out to me from everywhere.

I want to be connected, but I guess with all things, moderation is key. But is it? I wonder if maybe we're viewing life from the wrong end, that the only meaning is to be determined by the relationships we form and develop and the love we nourish, and as such my connections via chat are a physical manifestation of my drive to love and connect? Oh, if any one wants to find me on a chat, try looking for xenadoll at hotmail dot com, I am on most of them using that email address. :)

I miss chatting while I write my novels. Just having someone there, a few keystrokes away while I write was just lovely, like someone holding my hand while I worked. I miss that.

So, does any one else have this disconnect, and do they view it as a good thing or a bad thing? Is it healthy to have our psyches shaped by the 'shiny!' factor of talking to your friends all day long instead of being 'productive' in terms of social expectations?

Comments

[transcendancing]

I love being connected, I value it and I *hate* it when I'm not if I haven't actually chosen to be disconnected. Choosing disconnection is awesome and gives me specific and unique space for different thought and being with self for days at a time that I otherwise wouldn't take for myself.

Generally speaking though I leverage my social networking hard in order to nurture and maintain and grow my relationships. Time and energy are finite, this is a known thing but my social networking helps me to make best use of in between time and being aware of what's happening for the people in my life and being present for them etc.

I find having company while studying helps me to actually study, and stay awake instead of being pounced by ninja naps. It keeps my brain working and willing to think on stuff because it's engaged in a very positive thing at the same time. It does increase the amount of time I need to spend studying, but I find that the study I do in this way is more effective.

I'm spending much less time on the computer of late, in part due to the study break but also spending time with Ral and Fox and not feeling any real need to lug my laptop around. That's been impacted slightly by the fact that I've had phone issues and my laptop is superior to the phones I'm borrowing, but that will be sorted out soon too.

In short, connection I wants it and I'm currently finding my usage to be more productive and less escapist than ever and I'm content and pleased with that.

[moonvoice]

That disconnect between brain/body is remarkably common. It has an official name (though I can't remember what it is), but the phenomenon is generally psychologically described as dissociation. There are varying levels of dissociation, and different *types* (i.e. depersonalisation is the fact of disconnecting from your body to the point where you no longer feel like a person), and so on. For some people it represents a mental disorder. But for most people, it's a coping mechanism, a sort of unconscious 'avoidance' of what it means to be constantly present in a body that frequently hurts, is uncomfortable, has to sit on chairs, provides unpleasant emotion, etc.

My own personal journey is learning how to live, present, in my body as often as possible. Or, in short, I want to 'take my body with me,' and not leave it behind. It's intensely challenging because I am in constant pain of some kind or another, and because my body has a well of yucky emotions that I must process before I can get to anything more consistently peaceful. But it's a worthwhile endeavour. My mind learns such a great deal from the wisdom of my body. :)

That being said, I don't see the internet as a 'mind' experience. I can experience the internet with my body too. The feeling of sitting, in excitement, while moving through Tumblr. Or the little prickle of sensation when someone posts something antagonistic in response to something I've said. There's no reason my body can't also enjoy the 'shiny!' Heh.

[callistra]

Maybe the internet is now an extension of my brain, and so *is* part of my bodily experience? I am wondering that because your comments about the sensations and feelings you get from online interactions I do also feel - that sinking feeling of stress/dread, the excitement when people check in, the awe of some thing beautiful or amazing...

I know I also use the internet to manipulate my emotions/feelings too, the same as if I would lie down, take a walk, breathe through some intense emotion...

So maybe I am getting my understanding/relationship the entirely wrong way, and I understand the internet as an extension rather than a seperation...

[callistra]

I was always terrified that having kids would mean isolation for me. The internet has definitely ensured this is not the case.
:)