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I started my period today. The funny things about the first day of my period is that if I stop doing anything, and stop running my life and just stop ... even for the briefest second...I start falling through the vortex.
It's the weirdest feeling. I don't even have to close my eyes, and I get the vertiginous feeling of falling down and through, I can feel myself tipping over and over and over and down and down and down and if I close my eyes it's so much more magnified.
I can feel the swirling energies in me circling and spiralling down, and as they go they want me to come with them, and take me, and I start to fall.... and then I remember the real world and do whatever I was supposed to be doing. It's like I'm two feet away from reality, and it's a fascinating place to watch, but I wouldn't want to live there.
I feel dizzy and strange, but it doesn't feel wrong. It feel right. This is something I've only started to notice in the past couple of years as my self awareness grows. Sometimes, I know when my period is about to start because I will get this feeling starting on the night before. It's often mixed with pain; I don't miss so many days of work as I used to, partially because of the Miracle Drug Asproclear. (Note capitals *grin*) But Asproclear makes me feel gently floaty, and then I'm *really* out of it for the day.
The pain doesn't feel right. But I know that I don't listen to my body much, I don't take care of it, and I'm a shocking caretaker of anything at all. :-) So I;m not surprised that something that works like clockwork in non-1st world societies is so stuffed up here. I'm in a patriarchal society (read patriachal as the structure, not necessarily mysoginistic) and I happen to be in a marginalised sector, and "health" is inherently flawed in regards to the female body in a million minescule ways... the food I eat, the nutrients I miss, the compounds they place in them, the water I drink, the checmicals I consume, the drugs I take, the very air I breathe all contributes to the way a person feels and the way their body survives. It's a long slow struggle to sort out what you can do and what you want to do, and why should you anyway?
I'm looking forward to unemployment so I can fall into the vortex and see what happens. I read stories of how women were sent to the menstruation huts to bleed by themselves, and I wish our society had been matriarchal, and that alone time was valued. And female time. Our society spends it's happiness like water; it just trickles away and when people find themselves old they look around at their house paid for by two full time jobs and possible a part time job, their children raised by childcare and the public school system, the unnecssary four wheel drive and the holiday house that they can never co-ordinate their holidays enough to actually use... and when people find themselves old and look around and wonder if it was really worth it.
So maybe I should be the one who starts another women's movement. We get a few million women together to donate a dollar or two, and buy a small peice of bushland at least 40 minutes from the CBD, preferably in hills, out of mobile range, with just the one emergency phone line, and no way people can instantly demand out attention. The few million dollars covers the cost of a woman to run the place and make sure there is food; women can just come when they want to. Wail, moan, bush walk, make noise, run, hide, play, paint, draw, scream, laugh, cry, bleed, sob... and not answer to reality for a few days every now and then.
When we have a government that cares for it's people, that puts happiness above profits, then maybe we'll be living in a Utopian society, and I'm having to rein in all the nasty comments I can say right now about how likely this is to come to pass. But if we don't have dreams, what do we have? I know it's never going to be real, but it's a nice thought which sometimes keeps me warm at night. Usually on the night of the first day of my period. *grin*
It's the weirdest feeling. I don't even have to close my eyes, and I get the vertiginous feeling of falling down and through, I can feel myself tipping over and over and over and down and down and down and if I close my eyes it's so much more magnified.
I can feel the swirling energies in me circling and spiralling down, and as they go they want me to come with them, and take me, and I start to fall.... and then I remember the real world and do whatever I was supposed to be doing. It's like I'm two feet away from reality, and it's a fascinating place to watch, but I wouldn't want to live there.
I feel dizzy and strange, but it doesn't feel wrong. It feel right. This is something I've only started to notice in the past couple of years as my self awareness grows. Sometimes, I know when my period is about to start because I will get this feeling starting on the night before. It's often mixed with pain; I don't miss so many days of work as I used to, partially because of the Miracle Drug Asproclear. (Note capitals *grin*) But Asproclear makes me feel gently floaty, and then I'm *really* out of it for the day.
The pain doesn't feel right. But I know that I don't listen to my body much, I don't take care of it, and I'm a shocking caretaker of anything at all. :-) So I;m not surprised that something that works like clockwork in non-1st world societies is so stuffed up here. I'm in a patriarchal society (read patriachal as the structure, not necessarily mysoginistic) and I happen to be in a marginalised sector, and "health" is inherently flawed in regards to the female body in a million minescule ways... the food I eat, the nutrients I miss, the compounds they place in them, the water I drink, the checmicals I consume, the drugs I take, the very air I breathe all contributes to the way a person feels and the way their body survives. It's a long slow struggle to sort out what you can do and what you want to do, and why should you anyway?
I'm looking forward to unemployment so I can fall into the vortex and see what happens. I read stories of how women were sent to the menstruation huts to bleed by themselves, and I wish our society had been matriarchal, and that alone time was valued. And female time. Our society spends it's happiness like water; it just trickles away and when people find themselves old they look around at their house paid for by two full time jobs and possible a part time job, their children raised by childcare and the public school system, the unnecssary four wheel drive and the holiday house that they can never co-ordinate their holidays enough to actually use... and when people find themselves old and look around and wonder if it was really worth it.
So maybe I should be the one who starts another women's movement. We get a few million women together to donate a dollar or two, and buy a small peice of bushland at least 40 minutes from the CBD, preferably in hills, out of mobile range, with just the one emergency phone line, and no way people can instantly demand out attention. The few million dollars covers the cost of a woman to run the place and make sure there is food; women can just come when they want to. Wail, moan, bush walk, make noise, run, hide, play, paint, draw, scream, laugh, cry, bleed, sob... and not answer to reality for a few days every now and then.
When we have a government that cares for it's people, that puts happiness above profits, then maybe we'll be living in a Utopian society, and I'm having to rein in all the nasty comments I can say right now about how likely this is to come to pass. But if we don't have dreams, what do we have? I know it's never going to be real, but it's a nice thought which sometimes keeps me warm at night. Usually on the night of the first day of my period. *grin*
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no subject
Date: 2004-02-24 10:42 pm (UTC)From:I sometimes get that disconnected feeling too. Although the Pill masks it. The Pill masks a lot of things they never mentioned in the leaflets, actually.
Patriarchy. Bah.
no subject
Date: 2004-02-24 11:03 pm (UTC)From:The Pill and Stuff
Date: 2004-02-25 12:29 am (UTC)From:Maybe I should suggest it as a Swancon panel, "A Feminine Utopia - What Do We Want?" That could be the first one, and then a day or two later. "A Feminine Utopia - How Do We Get There?"
However, for it to be a truly honest panel, I have a sneaking suspicion I would have to make it females only, but I don't want to do that at a Swancon. I would think it is rude if I did it that way. besides, that would require me to be somewhere at a set place and time. Like that's ever going to happen at a Swancon. *snort* But maybe we don't need it to be truly honest in that way. :-)
Calli
Female Utopia
Date: 2004-02-25 08:25 pm (UTC)From:No way I'm running to be with more females at a time when I can't stand myself!
*twitches* More than one over-emotional woman together, forget the vortex how about a cyclone!