Apr. 29th, 2012

callistra: Fuschia from Sinfest crying her heart out next to Hell's flames (Default)
I have been so busy lately that I have been jumping around all over the place in Biggest Loser, trying to not watch everything and yet stay in the loop (but seriously, wtf happened to Lydia?) and so last night I managed to catch a couple of eps. They're now in Switzerland, tramping through the snow and having a fabulous, fit and energetic time. It looks awesome, and has made me wonder if I should go throw myself off a cliff for my 40th in a couple of years. Or out of an aeroplane. They both look like fun, and I'd have to be a certain size to do it. Multiple goals covered at once!

But this post is actually about their walk back in time episode. They set up a 4 km walk with a series of gates on it, 13 to be precise, one gate for each week of their weightloss journey with Biggest Loser. So in addition to walking through the snow, they would then come to their gate, and the weight they lost for that week would be added to their backpack, all the way through to the last gate where they have to carry their original weights to the finish line.

Some of these people have lost 50 plus kilos. Can you imagine how heavy that would be? And not just in the physical weight - the emotional resonance for each of those losses and weighins would be a killer. I cried. They cried. Every one cried, and it was really interesting to consider doing this sort of thing for myself.

I sometimes watch Biggest Loser and wish *I* had someone to fly me around the world to make a point about how much my body has changed. Instead, I get to cry in a change room stall while Ju pats me on theb ack and hands me another sized top I thought I would never fit into. I wish *I* had someone to give me an expensive haircut and make over and show me how beautiful I am (though to be honest, I don't think I have any problems in that arena, I think I just like being primped and preened over) and I wish I had someone who could show me how much my face and body have changed as I continue to lose weight.

Of course, people also don't notice. I have a friend who lost 20 odd kilos, and no one even noticed. Shethinks it's because it was a gradual loss, but I am thinking it's also because people just don't actually look at other people. They sort of look into the other person's eyes occasionally and then wait for their turn to speak. Or else they just don't register the physical form so much - it's not their bodies they are engaging with, it's the mind and the conversation is so absorbing the physical is forgotten.

The weight loss side of things is nice, but I'm more getting a kick out of the physical side of things. I am getting deeply into the rowing, perhaps because it is a physical activity where I am pitted against my favourite play partner - me. I'm fitter and healthier than I have ever been, and I have stamina like I've never had before. I am having to relearn the way I move and act, the way my body hangs together and the small things as I shift into a different style of living. My comforts have changed - my tastes in food have changed. It's terrifying, that the little things that supported me no longer do - but they were destructive support structures. I feel a bit like I am flailing to find more beneficial support structures. Having said that though, my friends are the most awesome support structure any one could ever have. I am constantly stunned and star struck  and so very grateful that I have so many amazing people enriching my life.

So I have lost about 18 kilos. I could do a walk, adding one kilo every time I go around the block here, because I'll tell you now, my journey has been a damn sight longer than 13 weeks. Or I could pick up one of my kids and give them a piggy back for a 4 kilometre walk.

I could. But I'm kind of impatient. Walk how fucking far? Can I do it in 45 - an hour? Can we do it at the gym? Can i read while I do it? Can I... can I... can I...? I would never consider Biggest Loser to be overly useful for any one trying to lose weight. Their menus are shockingly light (Under a thousand calories, which makes it a Very Low Calorie Diet) plus from what I saw they aren't eating enough fats to help their bodies recover from the work. They're working 4 - 8 hours a day in the gym. They have nothing else to do except exercize, eat, and work on their emotional problems. But regardless, I still watch, and I still empathize, and I remain much happier that I am doing this *my* way, and not being yelled at by some annoying git in lyrcra.

Yay! 

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callistra: Fuschia from Sinfest crying her heart out next to Hell's flames (Default)
callistra

April 2015

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