FUCK!

[callistra]

I'm at page 32 of 291 pages of Idiots Guide to Pleasing Your Man" and it's pissing me off already.

I don't mind the basic concepts, it's the political bias that's driving me insane. Why do I have to treat a man like a spoiled child I need to help grown into a human being to make him happy??

Am I insane, to think that I like a man who is already a fully mature adult before I start planning a life with him? Am I stupid to think that men need to take responsibility for their own emotional needs, and to at least TALK to the women they love? Even if they don't know what they really want? And why the fuck is Dr Phil not on yet? I keep flipping gender coded words to see what the sentences look like. And a lot of the advice is decent enough advice, just so ... so ... "it's all YOUR fault, woman, so fix him! And the book talks about the days when girls learnt to please men from the day they were born as "all in all, a pretty good system". I'm sorry, but if I was a man, I'd get ticked off at the attempts at blatant manipulation. Flirting, flattering and doting is ... *grrrrr* Flirting can be fun. Flattering implies lying. Doting implies an unnecesarily intense interest in someone else's acheivements, thereby making your SELF feel better by someone else's actions. Flirting should never be used toget you what you want, and this book seems to say that yes, it can, and it's a valid way to do it, too.

OOhh, and other fave parts so far:

What a Satisfied Man Will Do:

- Sing your praises
- Be loyal and true
- Be generous
- be chivalrous
- share the remote
- call you when he's running late
- call you just to say "Hi"
- Be gracious to your mother
- Put the toilet seat down (occasionally)
- Remember your birthday (most of the time)
- Carry the heaviest suitcase (even though it's not his)
- whistle at you when you're in your bathing suit (or birthday suit)
- Put your photo on his screen saver
- Go to a "chick flick" with you
- Lend you his sweater when it's chilly
- Make time for the two of you
- Snuggle with you
- Play footsie under the dinner table
- Share his dreams with you
- Confide his hopes to you
- Give you the most wonderful smile
- Make you laugh
- Slay a dragon for you (or at least defend you to a rude store clerk)
- Remind you he wouldn't trade you for the world.

Now, a lot of those things on that list I would put down as "general respect to a person you are in a relationship with," not because they are satisfied. I'm also noting a distinct lack of what I consider important - the support going BOTH ways. What about YOUR dreams and hopes? What about YOUR ideas and actions? Obviously, not important enough to make it to a list of things a man will do when he is satisfied with you.

Ooo, annoying point number 57 - not a single reference, bibliography or appendix. So, I'm just supposed to take this woman's word on trust. Fuck that. If it's not fiction, I want to see a bloody reference.

Apparently a satisfied man *won't*
- Call out for Shania Twain in his sleep (because, of course, a satisfied man has comPLETE control over his dreams. And, y'know, it's hard to scream "SHANIA!BEYONCE!SARAH!GRACE!" all at once.)
- Think that an iron or a toaster is a good gift. (I'd like to point out that sometimes, it is a good gift. Just not when it's a complete surprise. :-) But I don't think that giving an inappropriate gift is a sign that a man is un-satisfied.)
- Forget whether you perfer silver or gold. (he's buying you jewellery? HE'S BUYING YOU JEWELLERY? UnsatisfIed men forget whether you like gold or silver when they're BUYING YOU JEWELLERY?)
- Pretend that cubic zirconia is a "as good as real diamonds". (That's not unsatisfied, that's a liar and a cheat and you should dump his scrawny ass now. Liar liar pants on fire.)
- Ask you to "hold it in" on a long car ride. (WTF? That's just disrespectful. But then, before *I* pull over I always make jokes about "just flop it out the window hun, and do it while I drive" which I will admit, IS disrespectful, but I'm slowing down when i say it)
- Hog the quilt on a cold night. (See previous comments about actions during sleep. For all you know, Shania, Beyonce, Sarah and Grace might have been cold.)
- Tell you that you "look great for your age" (Ok, we're back to the unhealthy relationship if you ask me. This guy has problems. You can NOT fix them by loving him any more than you already do. Get out. GET OUT NOW! RUN DAMMIT. And don't look back.)
- Forget to hold open the door for you. (After all, unsatisfied men, who are not yet fixed by the love of a good woman, always only treat women that don't satisfy them like cattle. Or dogs. Or whatever livestock is handy right now for fucking.)
- Interrupt you for call waiting. (Well, he IS at work. He's supposed to .. like... work? Yes? Earn money to buy you that jewellery that he can't remember if you like in silver or gold?)
- Make fun of you for being on a diet. (Why the hell are you on a diet anyway? If he's been making rude comments, see previous section on "looking great for your age." )
- Keep a goatee you find too scratchy (Ok, so now you get to be the fashion police too? But I like clit-ticklers.)
- Let the fire go out. (I'd be more lenient on this one if either John or myself could keep a fire going. However, we're both crap and have to get Matt to help us with that one.)
- Go to bed mad at you (Well... people do this. Being satisfied does not mean that he won't do this. But it might mean that eventually he will tell you he's angry (as if you didn't know) or else feel more comfortable to try and sort it out. )
- Eat the chocolate icecream and not leave the vanilla (Oh. I'm so sorry. I am so wrong. Of course a man becomes inhumanly able to resist the wiles of chocolate icecream when he's satisfied. Duh me! Besides, I like vanilla better anyway. )
- Take you for granted.

Not the last one is the most interesting comment from that entire list. Let's get stuck into that, shall we? So, to put it into perspective...

"A satisfied man will not take you for granted."

Got that? So, if we love enough, make things easy enough, pave the road well enough, we can grow ourselves a well adjusted, human, adult male robot who will do everything you ever wanted. All that from learning how to flatter, flirt and dote. Wow. Must get myself one of those now! And taking someone for granted, in my opinion has NOTHING to do with satisfaction. I'm sure there are many wifebeaters and rapists out there who feel more than satisfied with their partners. They don't RESPECT the women in their lives. Satisfied males does not instantly equal respectful and loving treatment. Some people just don't want to treat their partners like that. That's way harder than what they do.

Anyway, I need to go and heat up the thoup/thtoo for my Lord and Master. And then read some more of this sh*t. Be back for another rant later. *grin*

Comments

[kpbarker.livejournal.com]

I loved your comments on this and I couldn't agree more. What makes me laugh the most though is the fact that you are reading this book?!

[callistra.livejournal.com]

I don't disagree with the idea behind it, but I just find the biases in it to be annoying. I think there will be some useful things in there, even if it's what I learn when I get cranky and throw the book across the room.
:-)

Besides, I don't know what normal people think. I think I'm normal, but people say that isn't quite right...

I also find this whole "if you make him happy he will be perfect" scenario to be insulting to both men and women. It's handy to know how to man-wrangle, but doing so in a respectful manner, please!

Why do people pick mates who they then want to change??

I don't get it. :-)

[(Anonymous)]

Grace?

[callistra.livejournal.com]

Jones

[cricketk.livejournal.com]

Urk!

I see in the comments why you are reading this - I just don't know how much value can be pulled out of document with a wholly differing philosophy to your own.

[callistra.livejournal.com]

Well, while the intent seems wrong, some of the information is useful/correct. I think a lot of women can't relate to what men like or need, and I am reading this to see how it tackles the issues.

It is, however, useful to know things like how to flirt (which it covers reasonably well) and stuff like that. It's like mining for gold nuggets in pigshit, it's always amusing when you find another one. I just think that the drive in this book to manipulate men is wrong, but it's nice to have an idea on how men think.

However, I am getting the feeling that this book is guilty of the sin mentioned in "He's Just Not Into You". The sin is "LADIES, PLEASE DEAL WITH MEN AS THEY ARE, NOT HOW WE WANT THEM TO BE." I read the chapter on allowing men the run of the basement, the garage and the shed without ANY interference on the part of the woman in a bit of disbelief. I mean, THREE rooms? And I don't even get a sewing study? Fuck that! But by the same token, I think BOTH sexes need some "me-space". But then it talks about how men "love the chase" and "like to be the ones to make the first move" and "They are MANLY men when they go and spend time doing MANLY things." The book sorts ofgeneralizes men into specific categories, and I think it should redefine the categories used. It talks about manly things being things like fishing, hunting, cars, mechanics, that sort of thing, but really, very few of the men I know are into that sort of thing in the way she seems to be describing. Every one, however, needs a hobby.

The most horrifying thing I've noticed so far is the publishing date. 2005. :-(

[kremmen.livejournal.com]

Given the title, the book would seem to be aimed at idiots who can't please a man.

Then we end up at manly men doing manly things and loving the chase and and liking to be the ones to make the first move. I don't see the point of that either. Most fanboys bear little to no relationship to those concepts, so what's your point? :-)

[callistra.livejournal.com]

I have to have a point to torture myself?
:-)

My point is that I don't know if I know 'normal' people. My point is that men do have *some* defininingly different ways of thinking to women, and different ways of doing things, but they can't be categorized as easily as the author seems to suggest.

Also, an underlying feeling I get is that "co-dependance = love". I have noticed this before, but this is the first time I have seen it in action. :-)

Is that enough points?

[kremmen.livejournal.com]

Enough to loop around nicely to your first sentence about torturing yourself.

You probably know some "normal" people, though I'm not sure if you actually spend much time with any. I'd agree that men do, generally, appear to have some different ways of thinking to women, but they are at a much more basic level (spatial and map reading abilities vs. verbal, etc). Beyond that, personal preference seems to vary widely for such matters as who makes the first move.

You could probably find some reading material with a similar mindset, though aimed at male readers, if you looked for "how to pick up chicks" books, NLP, Speed Seduction®, etc.

[lucretiae.livejournal.com]

Normal is relative.
Compared to your friends you are perfectly normal.
Compared to the "norms of society" you're not normal.
That's why we like you :-)