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I'm still feeling a bit raw about talking about what happened, and I'm about to get very busy for the weekend, but I just wanted to reassure every one - firstly, that I'm OK now.
Secondly, please please please don't any one think that they failed me. None of you did. You provided love and warmth and support when I needed it most. It's only in hindsight that I can say "Maybe I should have done XXX." It's no one's fault that I got so unhappy; and no one's fault that they couldn't tell how unhappy. Even John didn't know, and he sees me more than any one. So please, remember, you all came through for me. None of you failed me in the slightest.
And while I'm saying that we should ring helplines when we need to, I don't have any experience with helplines, but at least they are people who have an understanding of what's going on. I'd expect they'd have a greater understanding than the normal avberage person, but by the same token, they are human too, and it might not be the right thing for every one in a similar situation. But really, one of my skills is finding out what to do when I'm not enough for a situation, and thankfully we live in a society where there does seem to be help options around that go beyond the every day.
I really do love you all, and thank every one for all their messages of support and love.
Secondly, please please please don't any one think that they failed me. None of you did. You provided love and warmth and support when I needed it most. It's only in hindsight that I can say "Maybe I should have done XXX." It's no one's fault that I got so unhappy; and no one's fault that they couldn't tell how unhappy. Even John didn't know, and he sees me more than any one. So please, remember, you all came through for me. None of you failed me in the slightest.
And while I'm saying that we should ring helplines when we need to, I don't have any experience with helplines, but at least they are people who have an understanding of what's going on. I'd expect they'd have a greater understanding than the normal avberage person, but by the same token, they are human too, and it might not be the right thing for every one in a similar situation. But really, one of my skills is finding out what to do when I'm not enough for a situation, and thankfully we live in a society where there does seem to be help options around that go beyond the every day.
I really do love you all, and thank every one for all their messages of support and love.
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no subject
Date: 2006-10-06 12:09 am (UTC)From:I kept my (bordering on psychotic) depression hidden from Dave and my family for two years. Us intelligent types are real good at faking doing OK.
In hindsight I'm immensely grateful for the intervention that came from an unexpected source, I grieve over the lost 24 months and the gained (and hard to shake) 24kg, but never blame anyone for what happened or how it all unfolded.
I woke this morning thinking how I admire my friends for talking openly about their miscarriages. Most women don't know how frequently they happen, and feel so isolated.
no subject
Date: 2006-10-06 02:42 am (UTC)From:Depression brings out many hidden talents. I woke up one morning, and my daughter was no longer a baby. I am only just starting to remember bits and pieces, but Teh Man will say stuff like "don't you remember" and I just try to remember, but all I really remember is being so happy when she was born safe, and cuddling her in bed, for what must have been 2 years.
My miscarriage could have been a lot worse, but I think I just threw myself into work and organising our wedding. One of my friends bought me a lovely brooch with an angel on it, and I still have it, and I think that 1 thought of someone opposed to the "get on with your life" mentality really helped. I grieved, but I managed to avoid the big low.
I think, Calli, that people can't help but feel responsible for your lows, as we have been there ourselves. I'm sorry, and I can't help but feel that I failed you too. But, and this should be read BUT!!!, I feel that you were very brave and strong and far-sighted to present this in a public forum, and that, in-turn, has aided the rest of us on our own journeys of healing. Thankyou.
I agree, Karen, it's easy to fake being ok. It's hard to drop the mask around those you are closest too. I don't think that Adam realised just how much depression took from me. I'm lucky the baby I lost between my 2 didn't drag me back down, but I'm eternally grateful for the kind thoughts of just 1 person that helped me to realise what most of us here have - we are not alone in our pain.
Thank you. Many thanks to all of you. *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2006-10-06 03:06 am (UTC)From:I had always thought my mum was reserved about the whole topic of sex and pregnancy and stuff... but I've been thinking about it the last couple of days, and I realised that as long as I had any awareness of what miscarriage was, I knew that she had three. I certainly don't remember them for myself, (I would have been about 4/5 for the last) but I knew about them and what that meant. I have been feeling very fortunate that she was so open about them.
Knowing still doesn't make them an easy thing to deal with, but it does help.
no subject
Date: 2006-10-06 03:02 am (UTC)From:Perhaps one of the reasons why so many women don't speak of their miscarriages (unless a conversation is triggered) is that after a while, the pain eases, life goes on and you forget, in your daily living, that you miscarried. Really, it's never far from your heart, but with time comes the blessed fading of memory, and its replacement by other, better memories in the proscenium of your current experience.