![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
So I had my first visit today. It was interesting, and confrontational, but I think things are going to work out pretty well. We did a lot of general discussion about how things are, how things were, what's going on right now, and I did some questionaires and stuff. I am currently rated 'moderate' for anxiety and depression, though at the high end of moderate. If I had been any higher, she would have suggested I see my GP for some chemical assistance, if I had been OK with that. (I don't think I need that right now; I feel my problems are still more mental than physiological. If I am using that word right!)
We talked about control, too, and aspects of control in my daily life, and she has asked me to take a task I want to get back into and start breaking it down into tiny components. So for example, with getting the kids to school (walking) to break it down, from the moment I wake up into choices, where I have the choice of ringing Mum or Mel or asking John to take the kids to school, or have the choice of doing the next step in the processes, and do it bit by bit. She has also asked me to spend 24 hours in bed!
After the shock of that idea wore off, she explained it a little further. She wants me to let someone else be in control, and to only do stuff for me for a full 24 hours. Primarily in bed, she suggested, though she also said that if I am a TV person, then the couch and TV is fine. Eat a whole packet of timtams. Get someone else to take the kids to school, and cook the meals and make the decisions. I said I could possibly do it tomorrow, but then realised I had a physio appointment tomorrow, so said Thursday, and then I said that I had been considering going out to lunch that day with John as it was a daycare day, and she said going out to lunch was fine, but to let him decide where to go.
The idea is challenging for me in a number of ways. I know I like to be in control of everything, and I know it is also tiring for me. It's good though, to feel this, and learn or notice just how many decisions I make in a day, how much I devote of myself to controlling things right now, and I hope in the end I wills top controlling so much. I wonder if I am controlling my *self* because in that way, if I sit still and do nothing, I am under control, and the outside world can't affect me (again.)
So anyway, Thursday I have dedicated to ODing on Sookie and timtams. Though maybe not *timtams* exactly. I might find that butterscotch nut tart again and that can substitute for chocolate bikkies LOL
I cam home feeling wrung out and exhausted. I cried on John. I needed some processing time. Then I watched Avatar: The Last Airbender with the kids for a couple of hours before cooking dinner. I am still thinking about the stuff she said and what we talked about, and I expect to be thinking about it for a few more days to come. Next appointment is next Thursday.
We talked about control, too, and aspects of control in my daily life, and she has asked me to take a task I want to get back into and start breaking it down into tiny components. So for example, with getting the kids to school (walking) to break it down, from the moment I wake up into choices, where I have the choice of ringing Mum or Mel or asking John to take the kids to school, or have the choice of doing the next step in the processes, and do it bit by bit. She has also asked me to spend 24 hours in bed!
After the shock of that idea wore off, she explained it a little further. She wants me to let someone else be in control, and to only do stuff for me for a full 24 hours. Primarily in bed, she suggested, though she also said that if I am a TV person, then the couch and TV is fine. Eat a whole packet of timtams. Get someone else to take the kids to school, and cook the meals and make the decisions. I said I could possibly do it tomorrow, but then realised I had a physio appointment tomorrow, so said Thursday, and then I said that I had been considering going out to lunch that day with John as it was a daycare day, and she said going out to lunch was fine, but to let him decide where to go.
The idea is challenging for me in a number of ways. I know I like to be in control of everything, and I know it is also tiring for me. It's good though, to feel this, and learn or notice just how many decisions I make in a day, how much I devote of myself to controlling things right now, and I hope in the end I wills top controlling so much. I wonder if I am controlling my *self* because in that way, if I sit still and do nothing, I am under control, and the outside world can't affect me (again.)
So anyway, Thursday I have dedicated to ODing on Sookie and timtams. Though maybe not *timtams* exactly. I might find that butterscotch nut tart again and that can substitute for chocolate bikkies LOL
I cam home feeling wrung out and exhausted. I cried on John. I needed some processing time. Then I watched Avatar: The Last Airbender with the kids for a couple of hours before cooking dinner. I am still thinking about the stuff she said and what we talked about, and I expect to be thinking about it for a few more days to come. Next appointment is next Thursday.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-27 02:56 pm (UTC)From:I think this will be a very insightful period for you and having someone who is knowledgeable and compassionate will be wonderful for you in terms of focussing specifically and only on you for the time.
I love you so much, and whatever you need for support I'm there.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-28 10:58 am (UTC)From::)
no subject
Date: 2011-09-28 12:41 am (UTC)From:I'm glad you went; it sounded like it's already given so much food for thought! Take it easy, I always find the next couple of days after therapy are a bit of a wash for me - I think the body/mind just needs to process things in its own way and its own time, and you may find it's the similar for you.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-28 10:57 am (UTC)From: