Coffee-o-clock!

[callistra]

So, I am here. i have my coffee (fisting coffee!) and wearing my new Avon lipstick and even some Avon eyeshadow. The lipstick is shockingly pink, unlike the more neutrally tones I usually choose, and I am enjoying the glamour of it. The eyeshadow is a selection of brown, which instantly disappears on my skin. As most eye shadows do. *pout*

So what should we talk about today? Well, I was wondering if people have actual ideas on how to form certain close relationships online. Of course the first thing that is most scarce in our lives is time. Do we have time to foster the sorts of relationships we appear to desire? Where do we find the time, and is it possible to share time without there being a loss from one person that equals an addition to another? Is this a zero sum game where there's always a loser and always a winner? Or is there a way we can have multiple meaningful relationships without any losers?

I dunno. And this is a bit early in my fisting coffee to really get this deep. I suppose I should either a) stop calling it my fisting coffee or b) explain, right? Well, we have a Lavazza coffee machine, you get it free as long as you buy the pods every quarter. Awesome. Turns out we can go through the minimum purchase ($120) in a month... but I digress. So there's about 4 types of coffee you can get, and Chesh's favourite coffee has someone with big hairy hands holding a fistful of beans. It looks like a fist to me! So! Fisting coffee!

Yes, the humour really is that highbrow around here.

Oo, the dishwasher person is here. Yay, take my money, make my dishwasher work! My hands are going to hate me. i haven't been using plastic gloves, so I will probably have reactions to the detergent later, but I hate using gloves to do dishes. I can't tell if the dishes are clean if I use gloves.

Back to the discussion about online relationships... which segues neatly (or not) into discussions about online safe spaces. The infamous comment "DON'T READ THE COMMENTS!" is on my FB almost every day with links to interesting articles with dubious commentariats. As this is a journal rather than a blog, I expect my commentariat to be thoughtful and aware of each other's spaces. I've had my own spaces trampled a little, which I can't remember what i did about it. Maybe it's helped to shape my non-posting of contention subjects policy. Well, it's not a policy so much as I just didn't want to post about anything for some time now.

Which is sad, cos a lot has happened and I can't remember it all.

This is probably enough rambling for today. I have done a mountain of dishes, walked the kids to school, managed to get myself showered and dressed and journalling. Today I shall finish the blog piece for Nancy, decide what we shall have for dinner, do the interview for Jo, and see if I can fit in some solid time for some blogging articles. Making shit up, that's my job. :) Trying to make it interesting, however, is a curious thing.

One last question (cos I am full of them today) is... do you guys identify as readers or writers, and why do you read me?

Comments

[transcendancing]

I think closeness comes with engagement. Facebook doesn't really allow for spaces conscious enough to be safe... it's all passing thought and comments as passing thoughts. Careful considered comments are exceptional and not the norm. I notice a real difference between my general feed and my facebook groups - like my Tom Dickens album project group. It's *lovely* and I love going and reading things that people share and contribute.

There are some blogs where I read the comments, because I trust either the moderator or the community. On Havi's blog I am always happy to read the comments, it's never been unsafe at all to me. I read comments sometimes on Bluemilk and Zero At the Bone, because I trust those bloggers as moderators, but often I'd prefer to think about what they've written, share it out amongst my other platforms and archive it in my bookmarking system than comment/debate about it. If I want to discuss further I'll usually try and blog about it (sometimes that does and doesn't happen of course).

Closeness requires connection, and closeness and connection can both have multiple meanings in a space, and be meaningful in different ways to parties - I think that provides a lot of flexibility and the opportunity to redefine and have closeness on terms that perhaps work better for you as a socially anxious or introverted person, or which makes the non-social times more engaging and social for extroverts.

I think it's largely... the energy you put in in part influences what you get out, and same with any of the other parties. It's not the only key factor but I think it is one of the more important ones. This is not to suggest 'time' as 'energy', it *can* be, but not necessarily so.

[callistra]

Hmmm, moderation is important when it comes to policing my own safe space, though I don't see it as important right now. While this is a public blog, I don't get many strangers hanging around, so this space won't beed it, if it ever does. But I am also quite aware of the moderation mechanics of my other blogs. Which is funny because I am far less likely to post discussion topics on any of them!

[moonvoice]

Well, I was wondering if people have actual ideas on how to form certain close relationships online.

My primary method of forming close relationships is generally online, and it's rare for me to actually meet people that I don't know well online first (or at least, meet them and stay in touch with them.) I suppose, my own suggestions would be:

* Provide safe spaces. Facebook is not generally a safe space, unless you have a closed/restricted group (which comes with its own problems), or a very very small friends-list where people are aware they can mutually trust each other. I prefer the kinds of safe spaces that can be found on places like Livejournal and Dreamwidth, even over general Blogspot/Wordpress blogs, because of the accessibility options regarding visibility. Certain font colours on certain backgrounds I find unreadable or painful to read, which makes the ability for me to change styles on places like DW really invaluable. I also like the basic skin for phpBB forums. I've found some forums that have private or more restricted sections were really safe discussions can take place. From there, it's possible to foster very close friendships. I wouldn't know people like sidheblessed without forums like that.

I don't idenfify as either a reader or a writer. I don't feel like it's a choice I have to make, if that makes any sense. I'm both. I can't be one without the other. :) And I read because I like to!

[callistra]

Yay reading *and* writing! I was working on what sort of audience reads what because I was doing a guest post for someone else's blog, and I wanted to try and fit with her theme.

I think most people here are because they have met me, or I have found something on their LJ/DS that resonates deeply with me, and I have already put the time into that relationship, so the whole question, really, is moot.

I like to read your stuff because your imagery is as rich and luscious and resonant for me as your artwork. All of you is an artwork in motion, really, a conscious set of decisions to be/exist/provide a front for observation (if that makes sense) a lot like Ju is with her conscious decision to be art. (Though I see your decision as less conscious and more survival.)

Safe spaces are a very interesting thing. I had someone tell me that I am amazing and that I 'draw people' and 'It feels safe to talk to you ... without needing to be coddled.' and the other thing 'You encourage openess and honesty, without judgement.' It's so uplifting to feel that I can do that, and it is something I strive very hard to attain.


I am thinking of posting a welcome to the top of my blog like a lot of people have. It's about time my Temple of Love (what I have called my LJ) became an actual house of awareness and worship*.

*worship in this case being a thoughtful practice of exploring, adding, examining and playing with the central concept in the attempt to gain further insight and understanding. A hermeneutic circle of love! yay spirals of meaning!

[sqbr]

I expect my commentariat to be thoughtful and aware of each other's spaces. I've had my own spaces trampled a little, which I can't remember what i did about it. Maybe it's helped to shape my non-posting of contention subjects policy. Well, it's not a policy so much as I just didn't want to post about anything for some time now.

I have too much in my head and too few face-to-face conversations not to talk about some of it online, and creating controlled reading and commenting environments has been hugely important in letting me feel comfortable posting about them.

(I have found your recent posts interesting, just have been having trouble with getting enough brains to reply to any of them)